Reckless and Relentless

A Little Unordinary

All I could hear was the guys, they were screaming so loud I could hear them over the music from my headphones, "Lets rock this shit and show them a good time mates." I heard Ben scream and they all cheered. I got off the couch and walked out, "Are you ready for Warped little one?" Cameron asked putting his arm around me. I groan and move his arm, "Yes I'm ready but I'm not little Cam, I'm 18." The rest of the boys all start "ohhhhh" and we all laugh.

"So you're legal now huh?" Danny said winking at me. Which earned him a slap from James, "Come on losers, lets go get some breakfast, I'm starving." They all looked at each other and followed out the door and we found our way to catering. The walk took longer than I anticipated but I had already seen so many of my favorite bands and I was trying so hard to contain my inner fangirl. I started fiddling with my bracelets on my wrist as I look around at all the people that are here, I promised myself that I would not let my anxiety stop me but I think I might have to try harder. I kept thinking and I didn't notice that we had been in line for almost 5 minutes and that I needed to get food, I grabbed a cup of fruit and a bottle of chocolate milk and went back to the guys as I took a bite of fruit and set the fork back in the cup. I earned odd looks from everyone but James, "What are you staring at me for?" I say rather confused. Sam chewed the food in his mouth, "Is that all you're eating?" He said. I nodded my head and before I could say anything James answered him, "That's all that she ever eats in the morning. Riley doesn't do breakfast, she thinks it's gross." I felt so insecure about even eating now, why is this happening. Ben gave me a look and I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on, "And I don't eat red meat, only chicken." I say getting horrified looks from everyone but my brother. I put the last piece of fruit in my mouth and throw the cup away,
"I'll see you guys later, I'm going to explore and shit." I say as I run off away from them, my nerves are high from a simple conversation so I decided to have a smoke. I lit the cigarette and took a deep breath and exhaled the smoke, letting out a sigh of relief. Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder, turning around I saw it was Ben who was standing behind me with a small smile on his face, "Hey I didn't mean to bother you but I was curious if I could bum a smoke from you?" He said rubbing the back of his neck. I nodded and handed him my pack and he took one and lit it as we walked.

"So Riley, Do you wanna go see a show or something before Asking has to go on? I can take you and you can meet the band." His offer sounded amazing but I know the type of guy that Ben is, He makes you feel comfortable and then he fucks you over and leaves you standing there trying to piece together what had just happened and I'm not into that. I bit my lip and shrugged, "Yeah sure, can we go see Black Veil Brides?" I asked Ben, trying to not sound like I was so excited that I could pass out. We walked past the security guys and onto side stage as they went on to play, I sang along every word of Fallen Angels, In The End, Rebel Love Song and Lost It All as they played them and I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. They said their final goodbyes to the crowd and ran off stage and straight to me and Ben, They all hug Ben and smile at me. "So who's the pretty lady Ben?" Andy asks curiously.

"Mates I'd like to introduce you to James's little sister Riley. She's with us on the bloody tour." They all nodded and smiled "It's nice to meet you, I always wondered if James's sibling was anything like him and I can clearly say that you are two very different people." Andy said in his deep voice that made me wanna melt. Ashley looked at me and smiled, "Well yeah Andy, She's hell of a lot hotter than James is." He joked and I could tell that Ben was annoyed by Ashley's comment but I wasn't sure why. I glanced at my phone and pulled at Bens shirt, "Don't you guys go on soon?" I say showing him the time. He nodes and we say goodbye to BVB and slowly walk back to the stage where Asking will be playing.

"So Riley why do you not like food?" Ben said while holding a cigarette between his fingers. I start moving the bracelet on my wrist and look over at him, "What do you mean?" Ben sighs a little and looks back to me, "Do you not see how skinny you are? I'm afraid that if I hug you, you'll break because you look so fragile. James said that you only eat fruit, is that your way of denying that you have an eating disorder?" I started to scratch at my hands and looked back at him, it was like none of what he had just said bothered him. "No it's not me denying it. I denied it in the past and this is how I deal with it." I blink back tears and start running back to the bus. I knew this was a bad idea, why did I even talk to him? I couldn't hold back the tears as I swung the door of the bus open and run to my bunk and pull the curtain closed and grab my pillow. "I fucking hate this place. I hate him. Why do I have to have a stupid eating disorder. James promised that nobody would know. Why did he tell Ben of all people. Why couldn't he tell Sam or Cameron? They were so much better. I fucking wish I would have died that night." I was crying harder than I had in a long time. I have been trying so hard to hide the skin and bones, the bruises, the marks, everything and I'm a failure. I could hardly breathe through the tears pouring from my eyes. I just wanted to be a better person, and I'm a horrible person. I couldn't stop, this is why I do what I do because it helps make reality a figment of my imagination and I was okay with it. I choked on the tears that were streaming down my face when someone opened my curtain and I had never felt so weak, James was standing there with pain in his eyes, "Riles what happened?" He said softly.

I got down out the bed and hugged him collapsing onto the floor, "James, how does he know?" I whispered. He gave me a puzzling look, "What are you talking about? How does who know what?" I scratched at my palms and he took my hands in his and frowned, "relax and tell me what happened." I tried to relax myself enough to bring the words out, "Ben took me to go see BVB play and on the way back to the Main Stage he asked me why I don't like food and that I'm so skinny that he's afraid to hug me because he might break me because he thinks I'm fragile. And he thinks that I'm trying to deny the fact that I have an eating disorder so I eat fruit to make it seem like I'm okay." I tried to hold it together but I started crying again, James hugged me and stood up. "Go lay in your bunk, put your headphones in, and take a nap. I'll be back to check on you a little later okay?" He said giving me a tighter hug. I nodded and did as he told me to.