Reckless and Relentless

Using My Voice

Riley:
I look down at the bag of presents from Ben and all I can do is sigh. I think I may have to get over my fear and go talk to him. Quietly I pull myself out of my bunk and grab clothes and head to the small bathroom and get dressed. I pull my hair up into a messy bun to keep it off of my skin and then just stare at my reflection. At one point in time I would go days without looking at my own reflection because I didn't recognize myself. And now, I couldn't be prouder of who I became. Walking out of the bus I grab my wallet, camera and phone and make my way to the AA bus. Knowing that everyone is still probably asleep, I open the bus door and walk to the back where the bunks were and pull back the curtain to Bens bunk. He was sound asleep but I felt this tug on my heart strings, this feeling is so frustrating. I shake off the thoughts and nudge Ben until he opens his eyes, "Riley!" He whispers in his sleepy voice and I feel butterflies in my stomach and I cant help but smile. "Ben put clothes on and come for a walk with me please." Suddenly he blinks a few times and hops down, "absolutely, anything for you Riley." I give him a small smile and walk back off the bus and wait outside for Ben while I smoke a cigarette.

After about five minutes he comes off the bus and closes the door to the bus gently behind him, then turns his attention to me. I feel like my voice is caught in my throat but I shake my head and then tell Ben what I brought him out here for this early in the morning.

"So Ben, first I want to thank you for the bag of gifts you left on the bus for me. It was actually, really comforting to get something nice after being on tour for so long." I stop talking and allow him time to either process my words or simply just reply but not a single word comes out of Bens mouth. So I figure I mind as well keep talking.

"Honestly when I found out they were from you I had half a mind to toss everything but it would have been a waste and I was told that you actually worked really hard on it. Now I need to tell you Ben. I'm very hesitant to want to be around you or even speak to you after everything that you've done and said to me. But, it seems like you're coming to your senses and realizing that I'm wonderful and that I deserve to be happy and treated like a human being who has actual feelings. Now if you are really coming to your senses and honestly trying to make it up to me, then I will accept it and we can start trying to be friends again."

His face lights up and I can tell that this is the real Ben. The sincere one and the one who actually cares about me. Ben stops walking and just stares at me,"Riley you don't understand how much this second chance means to me!" And then he grabs me and hugs me and quickly releases me. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to grab you like that, it just came over me and I didnt know how else to appropriately show you my happiness. Please dont take it as a sign of disrespect because it was not meant to be that way honest I swear."

I can't help but laugh as he goes off on this tail spin he's in because he accidently hugged me. It felt good to see him this nervous. And to see the Benjamin Bruce of the famed Asking Alexandria act all giddy and nervous over me. "Its fine Ben, you didn't hurt me and I understand why you did it." He stops and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you Riley for everything!"