After all the crap that had been going on yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a bus when I woke up. I mean is that even normal? Hit by a bus after sleeping, pretty sure sleep is supposed to make you feel refreshed... After doing the normal routine of shower, get ready, breakfast and drive to school. I realised that I would be seeing my Cheetah babies after school, which also meant seeing Matt which I was not in the mood for. I honestly wanted to curl up into a ball and die, just thinking about seeing him, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to run up to him and tackle him to the ground and tickle him senseless. I had truly realised last night just how much I loved Matt and also how much this would end up hurting me, and OMG I sound like a whiney teenage girl with no life.
It was going onto last period of the day; thankfully I was in the same class as my best friend Taylor, and I was able to fill her in on everything that had happened. I was relieved when she said that she would drive us to practice today. I felt some relief wash over me then; I was not mentally stable to drive nearly an hour to Cheer Athletics and back after having to deal with Matt for 3 hours. Sometimes you gotta love when you friends on Panthers
As soon as the bell went, I was sprinting to my car to get home and leave for CA. I decided against my usual bow and poof, after being told it was perfect by everyone including Matt I decided to leave it in a messy low pony and leave it naturally curly, truth be told I didn’t care about how I looked anymore… I didn’t even put cover up on which is unbelievable for me. As soon as I had packed everything, Tay beeped her car; you know she had really good timing and every thing. As soon as I was in the car we sped of down to CA, half of me being excited and half being nervous as hell. Taylor noticed my more laidback look and decided to be the oh so lovely person she is and ask what was going on “Jamers why are so casual?” “Cause I have nobody to impress Taylor GOD” I snapped back. God Jamie already losing your cool, calm down I said to myself. “Alright I’m sorry; just don’t let Matt get into your head at practice okay?” “I’ll try Tay, I can’t promise anything”.
It seemed like forever until we actually arrived, but in reality was properly 30 minutes. I walked into our Cheetah group circle and of course the only available spot was next to Matt, so I kindly asked Casey to move over which he did, sensing the tension between Matt and I. I started silently stretching as the rest of the team chattered about new stunts and which uniform we were going to be using for this season. I overheard a snippet of conversation between Brian and Matt and it was along the lines of what’s up with Jamie, she looks really different, theirs something wrong, blah blah blah and I was honestly sick of it. I got up and stormed over to them and gave them something to talk about “ If y’all are both going to talk about me behind my back, and ask questions I suggest you both give up because there is nothing wrong with me so both of you SHUT UP”. Whoops, nice work Jamie losing your cool yet again, Taylor would be so happy with you if she found out.
After my first little outburst for the night, Matt was looking at me like I was a different person. I knew it would only take a little bit for him to come and ask me what was wrong, but right now I wouldn’t be saying anything or so I hoped. We started working our kick kick double basket tosses, when Matt came over, he asked if he could speak with me in private. I gave him a one-over and said “Fuck off” loud and clear, I’m pretty sure he got the message, as I never swear, especially at him. He pulled me over to the side, looked me right in the eyes and said “Jamers what is going on with you, what happened to the beautiful girl that never raised her voice at anyone, where’s the bubbly, bright blonde that used to brighten up my day simply by walking in the room?” God, did I try hard not to just break and fall into his arms, hearing Matt say those words literally made my heart melt, but of course he didn’t really mean them, Carly was the one that made him feel that way not me. “ In case you haven’t realised Matt, you and I are no longer friends, I told you that last night and I meant it now go run along and text Carly or Hayley because I’m sure they love the attention your giving them” I went to walk away before he pulled me back. Grabbing both my arms he tightened his grip and said “Stop acting like this Jamers, I would never stop caring about you, you know that” “You know what Matt, I don’t and to be honest I really don’t care anymore”, I replied in a whisper as I really walked away, but this time Matt wasn’t their to pull me back and I can’t say I didn’t mind.
After cleaning up what we had of the basket sequence we started working on our pyramid and stunt section for the last hour. One of my favourite parts of the whole routine was the pyramid, I loved knowing how good it felt after we hit a perfect stunt, tumbling and pyramid sequence, and I craved that feeling all the time. So far everything was going well until I ended up on the floor with Ashley and Shannon on top of me. I felt ashamed that I had lost my focus and allowed my group to fall down and ruin it for everybody. I felt the tears start to burn at the back of my eyes, why couldn’t I do anything right anymore. I didn’t deserve to be at such an amazing gym, I fell hurting amazing bases but also their flyers. I felt as though I let down my team once again. I looked up at Joe, to see him staring at me hard in concentration, I felt like he was thinking about what to do with me, how would he get rid of me and I didn’t really have the energy to care anymore. I walked up to him and uttered four words I never thought I’d say “ I’m done with cheer”
