Lie To Me

He Has A Conscience . . .

Chapter 13

Monday morning found me staring up at my ceiling. I hadn’t been able to get any solace over the weekend. No matter what I tried nothing helped me take my mind off the horrible reality that I had faced. What made it worst was that no matter how hard I tried to reason it out I still couldn’t figure out why Demetrius would have done such a thing to me.

At the sound of the alarm I forced myself up and headed to the shower where I took a long cold shower to desensitize myself. The less I felt the better. I didn’t need emotions to hurt me anymore and I certainly didn’t need to feel myself hurting. Just for today I would try to pretend that it didn’t bother me; that nothing bothered me.

When I got downstairs mom had breakfast on the table. I hadn’t had much of an appetite but I had forced almost everything that mom had made down so she wouldn’t have worried any more than she did. Most times I caught her staring out as if contemplating something but I never really cared to know exactly what. I found myself not caring about much. After breakfast the weirdest thing happened; dad actually drove with us to school. He would normally have waited until ten and headed to work via a taxi but this morning he actually rode with us. I wanted to ask but I was too afraid of the answer. Something told me that whatever he planned to do would have been of no benefit to me—rather it would have been to my detriment.

When we got to school O felt like screaming when I heard why he tagged along but my mouth simply refused to open.

He was planning to have a word with the principal about my ‘situation’ as he called it before he headed to work. Was he trying to make me die from added embarrassment? How could he even think to do such a thing? Couldn’t he have just dropped it like I was trying to do? This didn’t need to get any more complicated than it already was; that way I wouldn’t have to get hurt anymore. I wouldn’t stick around and let him drag me into perpetual humiliation that I would never have lived down.

As I walked away he called after me to wait for him and mom but that only made me walk faster. Why the hell would I have stuck around?

When I got into my classroom everything was normal . . . how odd . . . the world still went. . . it was like nothing ever happened. To the rest of the world I was never hurt . . .

With that in mind I took my seat and stared down at my book I didn’t have anything else to do because I didn’t feel for any human contact; I wanted to be alone. I didn’t feel as if I belonged with them anymore. They were all normal, nothing had happened to them. Then you had me. I was tainted. I would never fit in with them again.

“Wow, now there’s an interesting story for you, what’s it about?” Sarah asked peeping over my shoulder. “Blank Boy and Invisible Woman?” I could tell that she was trying to be funny but at the moment I couldn’t find anything funny. Would I ever laugh again . . . ? When I didn’t reply she crouched infront of me with furrowed brows. “Jamie what’s wrong? You seem so depressed. Please smile.” She asked with that pitiful look that usually allowed her to have her way. I sighed in surrender then forced a smile.

“Nay, I’m okay, just thinking.”

Just then Cassidy walked over to us. I hadn’t seen her since Saturday and I had actually missed her. “Hey.” She said casually as she leaned unto the desk next to mine.

“Hey Cassidy.” Sarah said getting all perky again. “Where’s Demetrius?” At that moment I saw a look crawl unto Cassidy’s face. It was the same look that I knew I was wearing; a look of betrayal. Neither of us could come to grips with what Demetrius had done. What he did was really unforgivable. In that moment of silence I watched Demetrius enter the room. The boy had the nerve to actually walk over to us. Cassidy rolled her eyes.