Chimon - This Moment

Chapter 15

Moments after Simon sent his message to Cheryl, he immediately regretted his tactless words. After re-reading it twice over, he realized how cold and indifferent he sounded which was not at all how he intended to come across. From an objective standpoint, it appeared as if he didn't care about what happened last night when in reality it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. In a way, one could go as far as saying that last night was entirely life changing. If anyone had asked him a year ago whether or not he would truly settle down with anybody, he would have replied with a solid no. Sure enough, he'd been engaged before and was most recently engaged to a fabulous girl, but nothing ever became of it because deep down inside he just couldn't see himself as anything but a bachelor. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to find a woman who he truly desired to spend the rest of his life with. Being a lifelong bachelor wasn't a life that he intended for himself, but after a string of unfulfilling relationships, he slowly came to accept it as his destiny in due course.

In less than one week, Cheryl changed everything.

For once in his life he felt alive and completely in love and it just happened to be with the most beautiful woman in Britain. Like any sane male alike, he always fantasized about what it would be like to make love to her, but last night surpassed all of his wildest imaginations. Every move that she made, all the sounds that she released, all the curves of her enticing body; it was literally like she was a remnant of heaven. Their night together was so passionate and beautiful and for the life of him he just couldn't get how amazing she felt out of his system. Her body was like a drug, and in less than one day he was already starting to feel the effects of withdrawal. 

To be honest, this feeling frightened him like nothing else. His heart kept telling him to go back to her but his brain wouldn't stop reminding him of all the reasons why he shouldn't. To make matters worse, he was possibly in love with her which made things so much more complicated at the moment. Everything about their love affair just seemed so wrong but it never felt so right. As he held her in his arms last night and watched her doze into deep slumber, he felt so blessed to be the man who shared such a passionate night with her, but for some inherent and unexplainable reason he couldn't help but feel unworthy of her love.

In retrospect, his love for her surpassed the mere sentiment of lust and infatuation. In his mind, she had a unique purity and unadulterated benevolence that was rare amongst women of her age and celebrity. She was so amazing and gorgeous and abso-bloody-lutely perfect in every way, and naturally he was neither of those things. For that reason and many more alike, he understood deep down that he would make an utterly pitiful companion to such a goddess. He was no knight in shining armor, and unlike all the young and handsome gentleman out there who would unquestionably fight for her love, he felt like he had absolutely nothing to offer her.

Above all else, he was unbelievably afraid – no, petrified – of hurting her.  

Simon released a deep sigh and buried his head into his hands, knowing very well that he should text her again with something more solid. He considered saying that he had a good time but he didn't want her to think that she was simply a cheap thrill. He was completely useless with words at times and he knew that he had to think deeply about his message before sending anything rash. He already made that mistake a few minutes ago and it was making him uneasy knowing that he may have hurt her already. 

As he began drafting a new message on his phone, Ryan Seacrest irately requested him to join the rest of the production team in planning the rest of American Idol. With the new season off to a good start, they had to make sure to raise the bar even further this year, especially since it was Simon's last season. 

"All right, I'm coming." Simon said grudgingly before saving the draft and putting away his phone.

The message would have to wait.