1:46 a.m.

29: Voices are Subjective

I am quite a soft-spoken girl,

trust me, I know.

it is a fact that's hard to escape

when your family beats you with it

every day.

and my entire life I've tried to figure out

what restricts my tongue

from articulating my thoughts

well I believe I've finally come to a conclusion.

do you know how much it hurts, father

to be ignored after being told to speak up?

to be silenced mid-sentence,

spoken over mid-confession.

do you realize cutting off a voice

is cutting it down, cutting off my tongue.

that's what the pain feels like.

sometimes I feel if I screamed

at the top of my lungs

you still wouldn't hear me.

when I was a young girl

you told me to speak up

but never even gave me the chance

to fill my lungs with air.

there was always something

more important than me, every time.

let me tell you,

when you reprimand a child

for having a soft voice

yet never hear them crying

it can make them feel

there is something wrong with them.

maybe I should go to a doctor,

get my voice checked.

because at the moment

it sure does feel

that no matter the volume

you can never hear me.

and I know that there have been nights

where I have woken up screaming

and sat watching the door for hours

waiting for someone to come

but I guess it's like you said

I have to speak up.

c.d.