The Movie Writes Real Life

Is this filler? No this is setting things up really well.

Okay, i just want to clear up that this story IS part comedy. It's like Scream in that way. Or Jennifer's Body. Or Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. Anyways, they're acting like teens in a crappy slasher, who NEVER think or act rationally, so I hope that makes sense.

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“The bathroom scene,” Jonah said, almost gleefully. Lindsey stared at him in disbelief.

“Yes, the bathroom scene actually just happened. Now can you take this seriously? We’re going to die,” She snapped.  Jonah was walking with her home from school, which had been canceled until the killer was caught.

“But this is playing out like Scream. It’s like we’re in a horror movie,” He said, walking backwards and facing her. She found a bit of a smile through her worries.

“This is your wet dream, isn’t it?” She asked. He shook his head guiltily.

“It shouldn’t be. This is murder, this is real,” She said softly. He stopped walking and looked at her.

“I know and I’m sorry. Two of your friends are dead, I shouldn’t be excited,” He said, rubbing her arm. She shook her head.

“This may sound insane, but if I’m going to say something crazy, I think I’m safe telling you. I do find this kind of exciting. It’s like the moment of a tornado warning, or the falling feeling on a roller coaster,” Lindsey explained.

“Adrenaline,” He said knowingly.

“But you’re the prime suspect,” Lindsey said after a moment of pause. Jonah looked at her with betrayal.

“You really think so?”

“You live for this shit,” She replied.

“You do too,” He reminded her. She shrugged.

“Me being the killer is far too complicated. Not very slasher simple.”

“The endings weren’t always simple, just the rest of the movies” He said staring the sky. Lindsey stepped in front of him and he looked at her quizzically. She leaned in and kissed him and he wrapped his arms around her. After a bit they stopped. Lindsey stepped to the side and they started walking again.

“Well that won’t do,” Jonah said. Lindsey’s eyes widened.

“Why?” She asked. He smirked.

“Kissing leads to sex and sex leads to death,” He said she smacked his arm.

“What do I see in you?”

“Girls like guys with a sense of humor,” He said, putting his arm around her. She lifted it off and walked ahead of him.

“Right?” He asked.

                                                                     ***

Lindsey was packing her bags to stay at Mark’s house until her parents came back. A police officer had been hired to stay in a guest bedroom of the house and patrol every hour. Lindsey knew this effort would just add one more body to the massacre.

When she’d had all her clothes packed, and was just starting on other necessities, her home phone rang. She went to answer it, hoping it’d be her mother’s daily check up. The answer appeared as unknown and her heart leapt. On a whim she decided to answer, hoping for more clues as to who the killer was.

“Who is this?” She snapped.

“The person who’s going to kill you,” the distinct raspy voice of Ghostface rang through the phone.

“That’s the best you’ve got?” She laughed, only letting a bit of her fear slip into her voice.

“You’ll see the best I’ve got when I slide my knife into your throat like it’s nothing. When I let you bathe in your blood so that when your body’s found you’ll be unrecognizable.”

“Fuck off creep,” Lindsey retorted, “I’m the final girl and I always win.”

“Not in my movie,” He said, and then the phone clicked on the other end. Lindsey leaned against her bedroom door and breathed deeply. Suddenly something crashed through the kitchen window hit the fridge on the other side of the room. Lindsey let out a little squeal and everything was silent for a second.

She started walking to the object, avoiding pieces of glass spread across the floor. The object looked like a softball, painted to look like Ghostface. Painted on the back in red were the words “Tonight”.

                                                                                   ***

“Don’t worry, nobody’s getting near you on my watch,” Officer Brendon Groff said to Lindsey. She raised an eyebrow at Mark and he mouthed “yeah”.

“Officer, have you ever seen Scream?” She asked. Officer Groff was caught off guard. It seemed like he’d been practicing his reassurances in the mirror.

“Well I caught part of one in college, but I’m more of a comedy guy,” He bumbled.

“Great,” She said with a sigh. She walked over to Mark and they walked out to the back porch of his house while Officer Groff spoke to Mark’s parents.

“That guy is Dewey Riley without the stupid mustache,” Lindsey groaned.

“Is he going to die?” Mark asked. Lindsey shrugged.

“Dewey lived.”

Mark's dad came out on the porch with an apologetic look.

“We can always stay home,” He said. Mark shook his head.

“No, go have fun. Be away from our depression, we’re safe with Officer Groff,” Mark pushed his dad to the door of the deck with sadness.

“Okay, but stay in the house, lock the doors, and don’t talk to strangers on the phone,” Mark’s dad yelled as he went farther into the house. Lindsey pulled Mark into a hug and rubbed his back.

“You’re doing the right thing,” She said to him. He pulled back and nodded.

“I know. They don’t have to die too,” He said. She looked at him and they shared a sad look.

“You scared too?” 

“Do you really have to ask?”He said. He headed back into the house and Lindsey followed. Mark picked up his phone from the couch and checked his messages.

“Oh no,” He said. Lindsey walked over to him quickly.

“What? What is it?” She asked.

“Jonah found out you were staying here and he’s bringing the cavalry,” Mark said.

“As in…” Lindsey asked. Mark handed her the phone.

“As in Eric, Jessica, and Nicky.”

“And your parents are out…”

“And we have mediocre police protection,” Mark finished.

“Let the killing begin,” Lindsey said grimly.