The Black-Hearted Ninja (The Dark Triangle #1)

Reversed, Part 2

Keep in mind while reading this chapter that Nya is struggling with herself. She may say two things that contradict each other, and at some parts it may seem that her personality has totally changed. The different parts of Nya are fighting. This chapter is almost entirely her train of thought.

"I can't. I can't kill you."

Words I said before I was even aware I meant them

        I thought the ring would be my savior, take away the clutter in my brain and give me the power to do whatever I wanted. Only now, as I try again to rip Cole's heart out, I find I'm incapable.

I can't do it.

           It's like there's some sort of force field holding me back. But there isn't. Only my own idiotic brain and my own foolhardy emotions. I don't want to feel anymore, and yet I still do.

         When I put on the ring, I thought it would make me free. But I don't feel free. Everything I do makes me more trapped. The demon is a spider, the ring its web, and now I see I'm just a tiny insect. A tiny insect, yes, but once with a chance of escape. I saw the web before I got stuck. I saw the truth before I killed Cole and lost myself to the Darkness completely.

I thought the ring was the most powerful thing in Ninjago.

I thought wrong.

Jay told me something in passing when he was explaining the origin of the demon. I didn't realize the enormity at the time, but now I see he was giving me the answer. He told me how to save us all and he didn't see it. I didn't see it.

"Love is the most powerful force in the world."

More powerful than a demon, or a ring, or hate. Love. That thing that causes more heartbreak, regret, fear, sadness, and anger than anything else. But also what gives joy, pleasure, life, beauty, and good to us all.

Love. What I try so hard to avoid because it brings me nothing but pain.

Love. The thing that comes crashing onto me like an ocean wave, bringing all my other emotions along with it.

I'm a monster. Inside the monster there is nothing but a broken girl swept away by a tsunami of tears and blood and hate, a girl named Nya.

I am Nya.

I have moved away from Cole and I'm back in the heart of my friends. In the very center, I stop. It hurts. I hurt. My head, my heart, my ring finger, all consumed with such pain.

I drop to my knees and I feel the impact, the way they scuff against the floor. I sob and I feel the hot tears streaming down my face. I feel. I feel. I feel.

"I can't kill you." I cry. "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't!"

      I am alone, and it is dark, so dark, and all I can feel is the pain of my head and my heart and my finger paralyzed by the ring, yet another triangle, and I'm crying but I'm not supposed to feel it, no, I can't feel love, no, no, no, and my head fights my heart fights the ring and I can do nothing to stop it, I can do nothing to control myself anymore, and all I want is to not be alone anymore. My head tells me I should hate Cole and my heart tells me that I can't hate him, and the ring tells me to kill, just kill, to mutilate and destroy and kill kill kill kill kill kill kill.

No. No. No I will not do this.

"Why?" I scream. Why can I not let go? Why can I not kill Cole?

Love hate love hate love hate love. Love. I love. I love...

"I love you." Jay's last words, the thing I always knew but never saw.