Boyfriend

#23

Athira yawned for the fifth time in last five minutes. Working with Pranav was the most boring job ever. she frowned at him as he was emptying his bag of stereotypical and common ideas. He continued his chattering and Athira looked out of the window. She smiled to the cool breeze which touched her face. Pranav looked at his inattentive patner. He was about to shout at her but then he stopped. He saw how innocently Athira was looking out of the window. her smile infected him too. He swallowed his words in and quietly looked at her. He just didn't know how to look away from her. She was an art, meant to be stared at.

Pranav was still staring at her when Shekhar entered the room. Pranav looked away from Athira as if he was never looking at her. Athira smiled and went onto hug Shekhar for saving her from the eternal boredom. Shekhar smiled at her as she gossiped about Pranav in his ears. Shekhar looked at the visible uncomfort on Pranav's face. It made him content. He could not bear anyone looking at her and so it was important for everyone to know where she belongs.

He took Athira out along with him and Pranav saw her leaving. He again had all those thoughts about her. The spoilt girl who had her perfection in her pockets. Pranav sat down to write down the script but just could not concentrate. He threw the pen and left the room.

Meanwhile, a really tired Athira rested her head on shekhar's shoulders as they walked through the corridor. Shekhar walked carefully so she is not much disturbed. He took her to where the rest of the group was. She sat down still holding his arm. She felt her eyes getting wet again. She kept them closed. Staying in his vicinity gave her both pain and pleasure. She choosed to stay like that.

After a while practices resumed and everyone had to leave. Shekhar gently asked Athira to let him go. She smiled and left his hand. She picked herself up on her own and went back to pranav's dynasty of boredom. While going back all she could think of was Shekhar.

all these years I have loved him but never wanted him. I don't know why is it but to me he would remain the best guy of my life. he is the perfect guy who can do anything on this planet. for him nothing is impossible; on this planet atleast. the studious, protective, charsmatic, fierce yet tender guy. everyone have defined shekhar like this always. but can he be even defined? I have spent 10 years with him but yet I don't have a defination for him. he is the guy who would get uncomfortable with his own feelings and yet not hurt anyone. he is a kid, a small brainless infant. his innocent heart that is shelled behind his pretentious smile always. he is a maze, the hardest that I have ever came across.

I don't know why I love him. I don't know why I loved him so much. I don't know if I would ever know. all i know is if today he asks me to ruin myself, i will. but if today he asks me to leave him and go, i won't be able to.

He is my perfection in this imperfect, flawed and displaced world. when he looks at me, eternity don't feel far. I love him to the point where the word 'love' seems tiny. but then I know he is not etched in my palms. it hurts every time I realise that he can't be mine but nothing matters more than his smile.

sometimes I feel like leaving everything and moving on, moving away! but than the very next moment I realise how incomplete I am when I even try not to love him. loving him is an essential part of my life. each day standing in front of him and being the reason of his smile,sitting next to him and feeling his warmth, listening to his unsaid sagas, reading his sparkling eyes. loving him. just loving him. it is my life. being stuck on him is not easy. losing him to some girl each day, handing him over to the people he want to be with, each time he would talk about love, I would wish the next name he takes is mine. each time he would hold my hand, I wish it it is forever. it is never easy. watching him go almost shatters me but I pick all those pieces and love him again with my plastered heart.

I can't walk away. my heart don't allow me to. because falling for him is so easy and loving him is the best thing to do. but what do I do if I don't walk away. what do I wait for? I know he don't belong with me. I know he won't ever. I can't cry for him and I am not strong enough to smile anymore.

I think I will just love him, from this distance.

Athira had her realms in her hand. she didn't let a tear out in all these years. she just loved him without expecting anything. she never wanted him, never! but loving him was something she couldn't stop. she tried so much not to, but whenever she saw him she fell for him all over again. Lost in her deepest secret she continued walking. she reached the room where Pranav was and sat down to work sincerely.

author's note

"koi puch raha hai mujhse, meri zindagi ki kimat.
mujhe yadd aa rha hai, tera vo halka sa muskruna!"