Perfect.

cut. ~trigger warning~

I got home and my mom was cooking dinner. She was like that, cooking dinner really early.

"Hey Lily, I'm making burgers for dinner." She said. The smell of the patties was intoxicating, my stomach growled.

"That's cool, but I'm not hungry." I lied.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Um yeah, still full from lunch."

"Okay, well if you change your mind, I'll save you some." She said. I nodded and went to my room.

I sat on my bed, remembering all these happy memories of last school year, with my friends, and how I'd taken it for granted. I hadn't thought about how quickly good things could end.

I was sitting there, willing myself not to cry. I failed. A tear came spilling out of my left eye, and that was it. That was all it took. I broke into a fit of messy sobs, crying into my stuffed turtle I'd had all my life.

"It isn't fair." I sniffled. "Why me. Why did I have to move? I hate it here!" I pounded my fist into my pillow.

I opened a drawer of my bedside table where a ceramic bowl I had made lay. Inside of it were ten shiny, sharp razor blades from two different razors I'd broken. I pulled out one and held it between my fingers. 'Do it. No one will care. No one will notice.' A voice inside my head said. 'Do it, ugly fat, bitch.' I dragged the blade across my wrist, hard. Blood spilled out, and I winced. I cut again. And again. Five more times, for a total of eight throbbing, bloody cuts. 'See. No one cares. And you know why? Because you deserve it, you worthless, fat piece of shit.' The voice said again. I stifled one last sob, then placed the blade back in it's spot and closed the drawer. I wiped off the cuts and slipped on a bunch of bracelets to cover it.

I grabbed my phone and went on Instagram. I had an account where I vented and talked about my issues to people who were going through the same stuff. ie. Self harm, and an eating disorder. I posted a picture I'd found on the internet of a perfectly skinny girl and put the caption as: my thinspo. she's perfect. i just want to look like this. too bad i'm a fat cow.