Perfect.

insecure

"Well, that's... unique." She said. I noddes and went to my room.

What the hell was going on? I'd never liked a girl before. I got her number out and put it in my phone and hit 'save.'

I sighed and kicked off my shoes and went to take a shower.

I stood there naked in front of the mirror. All I saw was imperfections. My collarbones didn't show enough, no thigh gap, my face was average if not below, my stomach poofed out with fat, my feet were too big, as was my nose, my eyes a dull hazel.

I got in the shower and let the hot water pound into my skin and wet my hair. I cleaned off and just stood there. I was crying. Not sure why. not that you could tell because of the water but still. I got out and dried off, then slipped on my shorts and t-shirt, and my bracelets. I walked out and my mom was sitting on my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"What the hell is this?"She asked, holding up my makeshift blade pouch made from duct tape.

"Um.. duct tape?"I said.

She dumped out the contents; 12 blades.

"Well? Are you cutting again."

"Why were you in my room?" I said.

"I'm your mother, I do what I want. I'm throwing these away." She said, standing up.

"Whatever, I can just get more."

She sighed. She didn't look sad or angry or anything you might expect. she just looked annoyed. She left my room.

I flopped on my bed. I had a secret stash in between my mattresses of blades. only 5, but they would last a while.

I fell asleep quickly.

When I woke up, it was bright out. The time on my phone said 2:33. There was also a text from my mom that said "i'll be with a friend all day." nothing else. no details. whatever.

I grabbed an apple(95) and ate it. I had to eat something or i'd pass out, or die, which didn't sound too horrible, but I wanted to hang out with Alaska.

I called and she answered on the third ring.

"hello?"

"hey, its Lily." I said.

"oh. hey lily."

"I was wondering if you were busy. I thought maybe we could hang out or something."

"sure. you can come over whenever. "