Perfect.

Nobody, Not Even The Rain

We woke up and she offered me food and I declined.

"You're so skinny. I think you should eat something." She said, running her eyes up and down my body, making me self conscious.

I knew this was a lie, of course. I knew I wasn't skinny. I was all thighs and arms and a pooch at my stomach. My thighs, or tree trunks as I called them, were the worst. I'd do anything to have a gap. That's what my goal was. I did exercises a lot to try and get them smaller, less muscular. My arms were like branches. I hated them, too. Not to mention, my face wasn't attractive. I had nothing going for me.

I shook my head again to decline. She gave me a weird, knowing look, but then shrugged and went to go get food. I layed on the floor and shut my eyes. My mind was racing with thoughts about her.

I wasn't sure what exactly i was feeling, this was all new to me. I'd never really liked someone. I'd just had crushes that last for a few days or a couple weeks. I had too many problems to have time to worry about liking someone.

But I felt like I was starting to really fall for her. She was perfect.

She came back in the room with a bowl of something, probably cereal. She sat down on the bed, indian style and patted the spot in front of her as if to say, "sit." I sluggishly dragged my body off the floor and pulled myself onto the bed next to her.

She pulled a Honey Bun out of her pocket and handed it to me.

"Please just eat some. I know you're hungry."

I reluctantly took it from her and tore the plastic wrapper, pulling the sticky pastry out of it's wrapping. I tore off a small piece and stuffed it in my mouth quickly, before I could change me mind. I regretted it immediately. The she sugary pastry was almost cloying. I wasn't used to eating such caloric foods anymore. I would have to punish my self later.

Alaska hadn't taken her eyes off me the entire time. I felt self conscious. I hated eating in front of people. I knew what they were thinking.

What a fat pig. As if she needs to be eating all that food. Ew.

I ate a little less than half of the Honey Bun and set the rest back into the wrapper.

Alaska went back to the kitchen to put her bowl in the sink and I tossed the rest into the trash.

I told Alaska i'd be in the bathroom washing my hands, then slipped into the restroom and turned on the faucet, and then proceeding to rinse my sticky fingers under the water.

I dried my hands, faucet still running. I leaned against the counter, thinking.

Puke it up girl. Those sugar filled calories will go straight to your already enormous thighs.

I flung myself to my knees on the floor in front of the toilet and shoved my two fingers down my throat, gagging myself.

I puked up the Honey Bun and wiped my mouth, sinking to the floor. Tears formed in the ducts of my eyes. I always cried after purging.

I rinsed out my mouth out with water and washed my hands again, and turned off the faucet. I wiped my eyes, which were slightly puffy and red.

I hoped Alaska didn't notice.