As I sit here, thinking, thoughts filling my blood, poisoning, my heart beats steadily. My arms weak, my legs not working right, my breathing out of control. Fingers trembling, tears dropping. It feels as if my heart is telling me to give up. You tell me not to leave, that you still love me. 'Maybe if you hadn't cheated, maybe if you hadn't lied' It rings in my head, bashing at my skull, bouncing around and around, like a carousel. I thought you could've held my hand through pain. Through the horror of the world. Life is a smack to the face, though. It reminds you of how life is a fucking asshole. 'I wish we were back together, back to square one.' Wish upon a star, pray to the Lord. I want you, I said. I miss you, I said. I love you, I said. Wishing these were lies, my soul tells the truth. Tracing my veins, wishing they were filled with drugs. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest of them all? 'You used me, you never loved me.' If only he knew the nights I spent wishing he knew how big the Universe was, just so he would have a slight glimpse of how great my love was for him. Night, day, night, day. Thoughts are killing me, but a smile is plastered on my face. 'Why did you move on? Hey, I've found someone else though.' Oh sweet irony, how it kills me so. Don't forget, you're my favorite paradox. Love of my life, how sick and twisted those words can be. I love you, all the same. Through thick and thin, till death does us part.
