i usually sit outside gazing at the stars for hours at a time. i always need something to focus on, even if its those deep brown eyes of yours. sometimes, my mind is traveling through space, somewhere far too deep for me to comprehend. bursts of colors and hurricanes of thoughts bombard me, and frequently i cant seem to staple myself to the ground.
if youre still awake at 3am in the morning, youre either heartbroken, in love, or lonely. i never seem to put my finger on the one thats worse.
either way, youre awake. you should be sleeping and dreaming of an alternate universe that your heart seems to believe you live in. sadly, youre not dreaming. youre perfectly lucid, and although youd think thats wonderful, its far from it. so, like every night, you slip on your shoes and sit outside.
now, like ive recently mentioned, if you're awake at 3am, youre either heartbroken, in love, or lonely. some nights, im one. or two. or maybe all three. either way, youre sitting outside, gazing at the stars wishing you were sitting on one. untouchable, free, and finally smiling.
ive realized something. whenever youre sleep deprived, your senses become more vulnerable to everything.
i swear those birds are calling out to you as i did.
i swear those coyotes are howling in pain. often, i wish to join them.
i swear the wind whistles a tune that i only hear when im missing you.
i swear the moon only shines as bright as the sun when im wiping my tears.
i swear the engines of a car sound angry, replacing my madness with curiousity.
i swear the crickets chirp with intensity only when im too exhausted to replace the silence with my words.
i swear my breathing is heavier when i dont want to breathe at all, and i promise its too soft when all i want to do is scream.
now, if youre awake at 4am, youre either writing a story hoping someone will read it and come to save you, even though you know deep down nobody will, or youre trying to give yourself reasons to stay alive.
i cant seem to decide which is worse.
