Things I can't tell you:
My mom saw a picture of you on a website. It was you and all of the other kids who made region band, I'm sure. She told me about it while we were at lunch. My heart leaped a little bit when I heard your name.
You did it. I remember being there as you fucked up one of your auditions, but you made it. You're doing amazing without me, and I have never been more proud of you. I know you still hurt, at least you were still hurting last time I checked, but you are so happy. I can tell by the way you smile now. The same smile you gave me when I made you happy. I may be wrong though, I haven't made you truly happy in a long time.
I saw a video of you today. You were laughing and it was beautiful. My whole body flashed a white fire. You looked so natural. I miss making you laugh like that on my bed as you were resting in my lap. If you're still hurting, it sure doesn't seem like it. Again, I'm proud of you, Amaru. Keep smiling and keep healing.
I looked at Paige today and realized how much I didn't want to leave her. She peeled me off the ground and pushed me to get better. To love myself. To smile without you. She taught me how to get over you, and although I'm still hopelessly devoted to you, she got me this far. If it wasn't for her, I'd be a million steps back. She is everything I want in a friend and I truly care for her. Thank you for introducing her to me. Thank you for bringing a wonderful friend in to my life.
