I picked up the phone to call you, but I decided against it because I didn't want to bother you. My hands were too shaky to dial your, now memorized, number.
I dated a guy a while back, just some random guy I decided to be with. I held my tears back when he wasn't looking a lot, though. When I showed my mom a picture of him and I, she said he looked a lot like you.
I fell asleep on my couch one night, and my mom told me I was whimpering and shaking the way I used to when you first left me.
I was in the car with my dad last night, just us. The air felt like it did the first time you had kissed me, where everything was cold except us and how I kept getting chills throughout my body because the cold air was hitting my teeth. I had to explain to my dad that I was thinking of my deceased Nana to avoid letting your name slip off my tongue.
I was at the store a couple days ago and saw your favorite flower. I bought them, and I didn't stop smelling them for days. They slowly died and I couldn't help but think about how your love slowly died for me. I hate those fucking flowers now.
I watched your favorite movie 4 times in a row a couple months ago. I can recite that whole movie now. I snapped that disk in half and threw it in the trash. Just like you did to me, right?
I walked out of the mall one day and smelt a mixture of cigarettes and cheap cologne. I grabbed my mom by the hand and dragged her to the car. I opened the door and let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.
I promise I only called you to see how your mom was doing. I swear.
I stopped drinking anything that resembled the taste you left in my mouth after we kissed. I also stopped sleeping all-in-all.
I used to play your favorite song everywhere I went. In the car, on the bus, while I was doing homework, while I was eating, and while I was sleeping. Now it's just sad tune that my voice can't seem to sing a long to.
