blindsided

•chapter thirteen•

a knock on my front door sounds and winnie barks. i giggle at her a bit as i pad over to the door. wondering who it could be, i unlock and open it to reveal a tired looking ronan.

"hey, what's up?" i ask him and step aside, letting him come in. he slips off his shoes and flops on the floor on his stomach, letting winnie sniff and lick his face. her tail wags causing her whole small body to move with it. i giggle at his tall, crumpled figure laying face first on the hardwood floor.

"well hello to you too." i walk over and lay on his back, rising and falling with the pattern of his breath. he flips over on his back gently so i am not laying on his chest. he kisses my forehead and wraps his tattooed arms around my waist.

"i'm sooooo tireeeeeeed. " he whines like a toddler.

"come on, we can snuggle and watch movies all day then. " i unwrap myself from his warm embrace and stand, sticking a hand out for him to take. he grumbles a bit more before accepting it and walking with me to the living room.

we cuddle up with christmas blankets as we watch his new favorite show, thanks to me, the vampire diaries. i lay half way on top of him, my head in the crook of his neck and his minty breath fanning down my face. i play with his rough, cracked hands in my lap, the damage of them because of fighting. i think over how unconvinced the boys were at lunch when they heard he just quit. i mean, i am a little unsure too on the whole situation. then i think about what condos was saying about him living alone and i realized that i did not know much about ronan. sure i knew that he was the town's "bad boy", i'm the first person he's ever really cared about, and how he gave up his whole world just to be with me.

"condos told me you live alone?" i blurt out. ronan positions himself to look down at me as i peer up at him through my dark lashes.

"uh... yeah. " he scratches the back of his neck, a trait he has when something is up.

"how come? i mean, your parents have to live close by yeah?"

"i guess you could put it that way..."

"what do you mean? "

"they uh... they passed away awhile ago sweetheart. "

i gasp and guilt courses through me. "i am so sorry ronan. i had no idea. "

he shakes his head at me. "it's fine. i'm over it really. it hallened a while ago. " his voice cracks a bit at the end. my heart grows heavy and i situate my body so now i'm fully facing him. i reach for the remote and hit pause on the tv.

"you're not okay ronan. i know that look. i've seen it worn by my reflection too many times before. do you want to talk about it?" he nods his head and takes a deep breath.

"well when i was little, my parents rarely argued. they loved each other more than life itself and loved my sister and me even more. even though my parents loved us both equally, my sister was always a daddy's girl," he has a sister? why was i only just now hearing about her?

"i remember every saturday morning he would take her out to breakfast at this pancake shop down the street and they would come home smiling and laughing. damn, her eyes would sparkle the brightest blue when they were together.

as we got older, she would cone home crying because of the rude girls in our grade. he would grab the keys and drive and talk and window shop for hours until she forgot what was wrong. she was the light at the end of the tunnel for all of us.

and then when we were fifteen, her and my mother were driving home from her dance class when a semi truck hit them on the passenger side. the side my sister was on. she died on impact but my mom lived. my dads world had been taken from him, his baby girl. he turned to drinking and got into drugs. my mom and him became distant the more he drank. one night it was worse than others though. he came home and took all of his anger out on my mom, beat her to death for what she had done to his light. and the thing was, it was right in front of my eyes.

he later went out again, getting into a car accident and dying because of drunk driving. after that i stayed with holten and condos for three years. i began fighting, seeing that it was a lot more manlier than crying, and it got my frustration out just the same. i got mixed up with some bad people, kicked out of schools until i wound up here. and then i found you, my light at the end of a very dark tunnel. " by the end i had tears in my eyes as well as him.

"i-i'm so sorry. " i sniffle and pull him in for a hug. he takes in choppy breaths and sniffles a lot for a few minutes before pulling away, taking my face in his hands. his soft eyes look into mine and i melt at the boy in front of me. i don't see the intimidating boy i first met with the tattoos and bad temper, but a fragile boy who lost his whole family and has a heart aching for love.

"thank you. " he whispers through his tears before pulling me into him, closing the space between us.

my eyes flutter closed as our lips meet, his rough ones on my soft ones. the kiss is filled with so much passion and yet it is gentle. every emotion he's had bottled up for so long. it is sweet from gentleness and salty from the tears. out lips move in perfect sync but alas, it had to end. we pull apart and rest our foreheads on one another's.

"you have no idea how long i've been waiting to do that. " he says and i grin. grin because of the giddy feeling. grin because everything is perfect. grin because it was my first.

••••

"so what are you going to do about the fight? i mean, you won the matches you can't just forfeit can you?" i ask him while i grab the pancake mix from the top shelf. sure its four in the afternoon, but when isn't a good time for pancakes?

"i'll figure it out sweetheart don't worry. " he comes over and plants a kiss on my temple.

"what was her name?" i ask lightly.

"philosophy. " he replies with just as much caution to his voice. i smile to myself as i mix the pancakes.

"that's beautiful. " i say and look up at him. i find he is already looking at me, smiling, so i do just the same.

••••

ew feelings wtf. lolol i only got three hours of sleep last night oops. REMEMBER PHILOSOPHY HER NAME WILL BE IMPORTANT. thanks for reading! vote, comment, etc!