House of Goths

Chapter 34

In the days that followed, Becky spent most of her time away from her housemates. The last thing she wanted was to lead them on. Obviously, that's what had gotten her into this predicament in the first place. Gracie had it right when she warned this would happen, and Kelley had confirmed it with his hurtful words.

Rather than attempt to move out again, she decided to avoid them altogether. When they were downstairs she'd be upstairs. If they were painting, she'd watch television. If one of them happened to come along and join her, she'd quietly get up and leave the room. She kept her conversations with them short, sweet and to the point and only then if they initiated it.

She'd started taking her lunch breaks in the cafeteria regardless of the fact that she spent it alone. She felt it was the only way to deal with the unsavoury situation.

Furthermore, in an effort to avoid them on her way to and from classes, she often hid behind tree trunks and bushes if they so happened to drive by in their cars.

She'd taken Kelley's hurtful eye-opening words to heart. The last thing she wanted was to lead any of them on. She wasn't naive enough not to understand what he'd meant that night. It hurt to think that Dorian and Crispin didn't so much think of her as a friend but as a possible sexual conquest. Still, the self-imposed isolation hurt even more. There were times when she missed them terribly. Why did it have to be this way? Was there no middle ground?

Having coincidently met Gracie in the cafeteria one day, Becky filled her in on the situation, hoping for some clarification.

"Kelley's right. Although, he could have been nicer about it. I told you, he was too tense," Gracie said without hesitation. "Don't kid yourself, Becky. Guys are all the same. The only reason they're your friend is because they think they have a shot at you. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"How is that not wrong? Don't they see me as a real person, with feelings? Am I just a female of the species to them?"

"Of course, they see you, Becky. Poor girl, you're all bent out of shape over nothing. Okay, take Crispin for example. I know for sure that he likes you. He talks about you all the time without even realizing he's doing it. Not in a sexual manner but with an oh, what's the word, a fondness?"

Becky nodded, but the understanding did not quite reach her troubled eyes.

"He thinks highly of you, silly. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't jump your bones if you gave him half a chance."

"But... that's just not fair."

"It is what it is. That doesn't mean you can't hang with them. It's just human nature."

"I'm not trying to lead them on. I'm just being myself."

"You're doing nothing wrong," Gracie said, feeling sorry for the confused girl. "Don't ever blame yourself for their actions. It's their problem if they can't control their hormones, besides Kelley's just being jealous."

"Perhaps you're right, but I think there's something more."

"Well, that's where you come in. If you truly want him, you have to take charge of the situation and make it clear to him that he's the one for you."

"Are you sure you don't believe in monogamy?" Becky asked with a reluctant smile.

"I never said I didn't believe in it, just that I don't practice it."

As the days went by, she kept her relationships with each of them on the cool side, lest she inadvertently send them the wrong message. Kelley, on the other hand, all but ceased to exist to her. In fact, she couldn't even stand to look at him. It hurt too much.