I Tried So Hard (Kellic)

I Tried So Hard- Chapter 15

                I walked into the dorm building and straight towards Vic’s room. The door was already cracked so he must’ve figured I would come. Walking in the room he was standing in the middle of the floor and his eyes met mine. I closed the door and stood there looking at him and he looked back at me.

“What did he say?” he asked.

“He isn’t gonna tell anyone, he’s cool about the whole situation.” I said.

“Well that’s good.” He sat down on his bed.

“Yeah… are you okay?” I asked leaning against the wall.

“Yeah, that was just close, ya’ know?” he looked up at me.

“Yeah, I know but everything is fine. Nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah but just to be safe maybe we should like lay low for a little.” he suggested.

“Like break up?” I felt my heart jump for a second, I was so nervous.

“No like just lay low, be more careful, and spend less time together like out in the open. We don’t want to get people suspicious so let’s just lay low.” He got off the bed and went over to his desk. “Look I have to go to a Dorm Room Advisors meeting so I’ll see you later.” He grabbed his phone and walked my direction towards the door.

“Meet my back in my room around midnight tonight; everyone should be settled in their rooms by then.” He opened the door and just left. No hug, no kiss, no nothing, just left.

________________________

               As I sat in my room waiting for the clock to hit midnight Matty came in and wanted to talk more about me being gay and Vic and I. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it but I felt like I still owed him because I lied to him for so long. As I sat their answering his questions I tried to act like nothing was wrong even though I felt like something was. Vic was acting weird and wanting us to ‘lay low’, whatever that meant; I didn’t like the sound of that. I kept glancing over at the clock but it felt like time was going by slower than usual. It was 11:50pm, only ten minutes so I decided that I could show up  little early and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Honestly if I would’ve waited those last 10 minutes I probably would’ve lost my mind because I’ve been waiting all day, since early this morning. I cut the conversation with Matty telling him I had to go meet Vic and then quickly walking out the door not waiting for a response. I walked downstairs to Vic’s room and quietly knocked on the door.  Vic opened the door and quickly let me in.

“A little early.” He said closing the door.

“Yeah, I just wanted to see you so we could finish our conversation we were having earlier.” I sat down on the bed.

“Yeah? I thought we did finish it.” He turned around and walked over to his desk then sat in the chair.

“I just didn’t understand what you meant by lay low so can you like explain that more.”

“Like we should calm down a little and spend a little less time together before people get suspicious.”  He said. I didn’t know what to say, I mean we had this amazing night last night, or at least amazing for me and now he wants to tone it down.

“Okay, whatever you want.” At this point I just wanted to leave, I liked how things were going and he doesn’t just because Matty knows. Matty said he wasn’t going to tell anyone so I don’t understand why he was making this into a bigger deal than it truly was.

“Come on, don’t get all weird on me.” he got up and came over to sit down next to me, putting his arm around me in the process. “We’re still gonna hang out just not that much in public.”

“I just thought that after last night you would want to hang out more, I guess not.” I said looking at the ground.

“Last night was perfect and I want to do it again it’s just-“ he stopped when someone knocked on the door. We both looked over to the door and got quiet. “Fuck, get in the closet for a second.” He said quietly.

“What? Why?” I couldn’t believe he actually wanted me to get in the closet.

“We’re laying low remember?  It’s the middle of the night it’ll look weird you being here.” He got up off the bed.

“I don’t want to lay low you want to.” I said. Last time I hid in a closet I was hiding from Vic and now he wants me to get in the closet to hide for him.

“Shh! Just come on. It’s for a second.”

I got up off the bed and walked over to the closet, he opened the closet door and I got in then he closed the door. I held my ear to the door trying to hear who was at the door and the first voice I heard was Jacks. I was already pissed that I had to hide in the closet and now I’m hiding so he can talk to Jack, the guy who tried to break us up. Just great.. After a couple seconds I heard two other voices that I kind of recognized but not really. They were trying to get Vic to come out to the bar with them for a little. At first he said no but they kept asking so he finally gave in. I stopped listening after he said yes because I was already upset and I didn’t want to flip out. He made me wait all day to hang out with him and now he’s leaving after 5 minutes to hang out with his friends. Two minutes passed and he came back to open the closet door.

“They want me to go hang out with them.”  He had this look on his face that read sorry.

“Yeah, I know. Can I come?” I asked walking out the closet.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. If we’re trying to lay low then you shouldn’t come.” He had this ‘I’m sorry’ look on his face but everything he was saying showed the total opposite.

“So I can’t hang out with you anywhere in public now?”

“I’m not saying that it’s just if people get suspicious it won’t be good.”

“Yeah, you said that before; suspicious, lay low, less hanging out, I heard you the first time. You know we had this great night last night and I would expect you would want to hang out more so we can do it again but no, you want to hang out less. What? Did you get what you wanted from me and now just want to throw me away?” I was so pissed because I knew from the way he looked at me this morning that it was going to go downhill but I tried to tell myself I was overthinking it but it’s quiet clear I wasn’t.

“No it’s not like that at all! I just think it’s best for us right now.” He said defensive.

“Yeah...‘for us’... well newsflash you didn’t ask me what I thought was best for us. You’re not the only one in this relationship and you can’t just make decisions for the both of us because you think ‘it’s best for us’. You know I should’ve expected this it’s always been one step forward, two steps back with you. I should’ve known, something bad was bound to happen.” I walked over to the door ready to leave but Vic came up behind as I began to open the door and pushed it shut.

“Come on Kellin, I don’t want to fight and I don’t want you upset with me.” he grabbed my hand but I pulled away.

“Can I come?” I asked again. He stood there and looked at me and I knew he wasn’t gonna say yes. He didn’t want me upset with him but he didn’t want people knowing we were together more. I flung the door and walked out heading straight to my room. Once I got to the third floor I paused and tried to compose myself before I opened the door. I opened the door and Matty was sitting on the edge of his bed looking at my side of the room but then he looked over to me and smiled. I walked in a closed the door then I saw what he was looking at.

“Yeah.. uh..” Matty started to talk.

“Taylor.” The girl sitting on my bed said.

“That’s right, Taylor came knocking on the door looking for you. She said you were friends so I let her in. I hope that’s cool?” Matty said. I couldn’t believe she was actually here. Like in San Diego, here, in my room, on my bed. Especially because of how we left things, I was just baffled.

“Yeah… Tay is...my uhh…ex-girlfriend.” I stood in the middle of the room staring at her, shocked.