Lost Desires.

Part 3- He is Gone.

The rain pattered on the window as Rhi checked her emails.

Ash had constantly emailed her when she left, but it had been a few months since he'd sent one.

It was mainly spam emails and college work. She sighed and continued to move down her inbox before stopping in her tracks. There was one email labelled 'I'm sorry', and it was from Ash. Her heart thumped as she opened it and read the first line.

I am so sorry, Rhi.

Tears welled in her eyes and she considered stopping but she owed this to Ash. She owed him the decency of reading his thoughts to her.

Rhi, you cannot imagine how much I miss you. Things aren't the same without you beside me. Every day I wake up and remember how far away you are. The bed feels so cold now you're not here.

I try to move on but I cannot forget you. I will never forget you. You may read this and continue your life without me, and I understand. I know that what I did was wrong. I threw away a new life, I threw away the chance to start again.

I wish I could say this to you but Sam has told me to leave you alone and Brook tells me you won't answer my calls, anyway. You were the one good thing in my life, and I wish that you were still here.

Each day feels longer than the one before, and I don't know how much longer I can take this. I see you everywhere I go, I hear you in everything that is said and I can't deal with it.

I'm sorry Rhi, I messed us up really bad. I know that apologies will never be enough for what I did, but I hope you can't find it in your heart to forgive me. I know that you will never forget, but forgiveness is all I ask.

You were my love, Rhi.

You were my friend.

You were my soul mate.

Please come back to me, Rhi.

Rhi stared at the laptop screen with tears streaming down her face. He'd never written something so beautiful for her. Her mind was torn between phoning him right then, or leaving the email for another day. She couldn't tell Brook about this and had to give Ash time to move on. It had only been a few months since the break up and he clearly hadn't moved on.

She resolved to flag the email and close her inbox. She would deal with it some other day and think about Ash when she had time.

Her fingers tapped aimlessly on the keyboard as she reluctantly opened her inbox again and started a new message. She thought what to say and sent a few words.

Dear Ash,

I forgive you.

She clicked send and watched the message disappear. She could only muster those few words to send to Ash. Rhi gathered her thoughts and shoved them into the Ash box she kept in her mind.

She'd been moving on, she'd started a new life and now he'd ruined the situation.

She couldn't be a friend with Ash, ever. There were too many complicated feelings for him and they would never go away.

Rhi closed the laptop, sighed and looked at the photo of Ash on her noticeboard. She unpinned it before ripping it up and throwing it in the bin. She threw away anything she found that reminded her of Ash.

The last object she came across was a necklace he'd given her. She usually wore it out to balls and formal occasions because it was pretty. The tears dropped again as she held it in her hand and then dropped it into the bin.

That was the last piece of Ash left in her life and with the necklace gone, Ash was gone too.