Make Me Better

Chapter 9

The gap between Cat and I seemed to grow even farther apart, I could see it and I could see how this whole ordeal was taking a toll on her. I've thought to myself that maybe it was best for us both to split up and just go our separate ways but I couldn't bare to hurt her more than I already was. My vacation days came to an end, we barely spoke with us being caught up in work and at night it was just simple; laying side by side. Every day seemed to drag on; work, therapy and attempting to sleep. Cat stayed up with me some nights, we didn't say anything just laying together basking in the company of one another. It was moments like this that made deciding if we should part even harder; Moments when I roll over to be welcomed with her smile, to sit up watching TV together and hearing her laugh. I couldn't shake the fact that it felt only right that we stop doing whatever it was we were doing and just split up. For her sake, or at least that's what I've been telling myself repeatedly not really sure if it was just to tell myself that I wasn't running away.
It was a Saturday morning; Cat in the kitchen cooking us breakfast while me and Bear laid in bed watching cartoons. I had been racking my brain over and over again. "What do you think, baby boy?" I asked, petting Bear gently. He snuggled into my lap then lifted his head up tilting it sideways in that innocently curious manner. I sighed knowing I wouldn't get an answer from my precious puppy, I leaned down to kiss the tip of his nose and he licked my cheek. Everything wasn't ok, I wish it was but it had became even more overwhelming than ever. I picked Bear up moving him to lay in the bed and got up. I walked out the room, I stood back watching Cat cook before clearing my throat to get her attention. "Food almost ready, babes" She stated. I took a deep breath feeling my heart pounding in my chest, "I know this has been very hard for you...us...me". Cat continued cooking, turning the stove down so she could turn to look at me with a confused expression. "I think we should go our separate ways" I added. "What are you talking about, Anaya?" Asked Cat, confused. "You should leave...I want to be alone" I replied, feeling a sharp pain in my chest. She frowned looking down, I could see the sadness in her eyes even as she diverted her eyes just so she wouldn't look at me. "W-what?" She stammered. I sighed, I didn't know what to say or how to put it in words. "I'm just trying to help you out like you've helped me all those years ago...I'm helping" muttered Cat, frowning. "I don't need your help, Cat" I hissed. The words came out harsh, not like I expected it to come out the way it did and I bit my bottom lip. "Anaya, I don't get it" She said, frowning. "You want me to be the perfect little girlfriend...to need you and I'm not that! I don't want that!" I shouted, feeling overwhelmed. "I never asked you for shit!" Retorted Cat, glaring. I smacked my lips and sighed, "It's always the idea...never mentioned but it's there. I just...I just don't want you crowding me anymore". "It's like that?" She questioned, her eyes saddened. "Yeah...it's like that" I answered, feeling sorrow fill my already beaten heart. Cat hung her head low, nudging pass me and went to the front door. She opened the door turning back and throwing the spare key she had on the floor; My heart ached. I could feel tears well up in my eyes as I watched her walk out the door and slam it shut. I fell to my knees crying, my heart hurt and I was so confused. Bear ran in the livingroom with his claws tapping on the wood floors and sat in front of my tilting his head like usual. I covered my face with my hands and cried; I was losing it. I kept thinking of her walking out probably never coming back or looking back. I laid on the floor curled up, Bear walked up to me and cuddled into my stomach. I closed my eyes, I whimpered feeling even more alone than I did before. I wasn't any good for her especially the way I was falling apart; Especially now. I must've laid on the floor for hours, my body felt stiff and sore. I got up making Bear hop up and slowly walked back to my room. I crawled in my bed staring at the side Cat slept on, I reached over placing my hand on the pillow and closed my eyes. 'Get it together, Anaya'.