Make Me Better

Chapter 4

The rain gently tapped on my window; It was the only sound throughout the house as Bear lay curled up in my lap sleeping while I stare off into the darkness. Sleep became harder and harder to obtain. I often found myself sitting up in the dark; Krystal came over often just to check on me and bring me food. She would ask have I spoken to Cat yet and I'd reply to her with silence. Cat has been very persistent this week, it's been a total of 4 weeks that I've been avoiding any contact with Cat and I can't say I didn't start to feel guilty. Her text messages were long, sweet and emotional; It warmed me but not to the point where I'd want to come out of hiding. Krystal seemed to understand, she didn't pester me about it as much just hinted that Cat was worried. Cat has come over often, she calls my name through the door and knock; I just pretend I'm not here. It hurt hearing her out there day after day just pleading for me to respond and just let her in. I had cried myself to sleep plenty wishing I could block out everything; pain, sadness and anger. It felt as if everything I worked so hard for was slipping from my sweaty hands and shattered the the picture frames I broke. I wondered why often; why did it have to be me? I was average, not perfect but not a complete wreck. I heard a knock on the door, I moved Bear out of my lap waking him up and walked in the livingroom thinking it was Krystal but she spoke before I answered. "Anaya...I know your not speaking to me or whatever. I was just hoping...I could see how you are" stated Cat. I looked through the peephole seeing her leaning against the door, probably hoping to her me and I sighed. "You don't have to talk to me...just let me see if your ok please" She muttered. I leaned against the door, my eyes stung with tears threatening to fall as I took a deep breath turning the lock and twisting the knob; opening the door. Cat stood there shocked but looked relieved, her eyes were red and puffy; she must've been crying. I could see hints of dark circles under her eyes guessing that she hasn't been sleeping and I could feel that familiar sadness stab in my heart. The warm tears slid down my cheeks as I forced myself smiling and sniffled. "I-I'm fine" I muttered, fighting tears. She suddenly hugged me startling me as she wrapped her warm arms around me and I felt her warm breath on my neck and warm tears soak My tshirt. I broke down in her arms, everything I've held in and tried to escape came crashing down in reality. We broke the hug while I dried my eyes, I let her into the house and we sat down on the couch. "A-Anaya...what's been going on with you? I've been calling you and Krys...she wouldn't tell me anything" Questioned Cat, frowning. I didn't know where to begin or even what to tell her; I was afraid it would hurt her. It happened the moment she left, I made her leave and I put myself in this situation. I knew Jordan was no good but I tried it because I sort of believed that he was good or could improve. "I've been worried sick...I went up to your job and they tell me your on vacation. I spoke to Krystal and she just beats around the bush...what's going on, Nya?" She insisted, concern thick in her voice. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and trying to organize my thoughts. I opened my eyes turning my head to look at her, locking our eyes and hoped she could read me. "Did he hurt you?" Asked Krystal, staring into my eyes, " You can tell me". I knew I could tell her but I didn't know how and I wasn't sure if I had the strength. "...I'm not with him anymore. If that's what your wondering" I uttered, looking away from her. "I'm wondering what he done to you" she responded, shaking her head. "...You guys wanted me to not be with him and I'm not...I learned my lesson" I whimpered, feeling my tears well up again. "Anaya, I didn't want him to hurt you. I knew he was shit but I didn't want him to hurt you at all" said Cat, grabbing my hand. I looked at her hand, the warmth of it felt nice and comforting. I intertwined our fingers; The spaces between my fingers are were her's seemed to fit perfectly. She was my missing puzzle piece, I felt complete with her and every moment she wasn't by my side I felt lost. "You don't have to tell me out loud...I understand" she said, pulling me into a hug. I closed my eyes allowing myself to melt into the hug feeling my tears fall down my cheeks and I sighed. I felt complete still broken and shattered but I felt secured with her. There it was again that mutual understanding without even exchanging words; Just understanding.