Rebuilding Zerrie

Inside of Me

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, this is not longer in any way but I'm sleepy and tired and it's not even nine in the evening yet. :((

ZAYN'S P.O.V.

I was frustrated. Not just with the guard for not letting us in, not just with the girl for not getting into detail with how strict their policies are, not just with Perrie for avoiding me up to the point where I was standing outside of their dance studio begging a police guard to let us in, but I was also frustrated with myself.

My arrogance, my stubbornness, my inability to just let all of this go. I dragged these people into this and now they were suffering along with me. It would've been much easier for them if I had just accepted that it was over between me and Perrie but that wasn't an option. I was nothing without her.

"Can you ask them to go outside just for a minute?" I asked Mike but he shook his head and explained that they requested to not be disturbed whilst they were practicing. I grunted in annoyance and almost yelled at him if it weren't for Liam already eyeing me as a warning.

Liam could already see the headlines. "ONE DIRECTION'S ZAYN MALIK BREAKS DOWN AT DANCE STUDIO" or the usual inaccurate tabloids like "ZAYN MALEK OF THE WANTED ASSAULTS 80 YEAR OLD MAN."

"Then we'll wait here until they exit," I suggested but Mike stated yet another reason why I couldn't even glance at Perrie. He told me that there was a back entrance that can only be used if the situation was grave and they predicted that there would be psycho fans waiting outside to mob them so the studio gave them permission to use it for their reason was valid. Where it lead to and how to get there from outside remained confidential.

I wanted to rip every single one of his thinning hairs out of his scalp but I forced myself to remain composed. I clenched my fist and gnawed my teeth to hold in the words I so hungrily wanted to tell him. In order to take my mind away from my hatred for Mike, I turned to the girl.

She was looking at me with hopeful eyes. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that hoping was useless and disappointing, that I didn't always find a solution to my problems, that this was something we couldn't just hope for everything to happen. We had to suffer and suffer and suffer but for what?

Most of the time, for absolutely nothing.

KLOE'S P.O.V.

I looked at Zayn hopefully. Maybe he had an idea or maybe he wanted to wait or maybe he was thinking about going through the week-long process of enrolling yourself in a dance class. Anything. Anything was better than nothing. He furrowed his eyebrows at me and sighed. The shrugging of his shoulders was all it took for me to break.

Next thing I knew, I was squatting on the ground with my head buried in my arms. I heard screaming. I started to panic. I needed to help her. I needed to make sure she was alright but the boys were blocking my way. Their hands were on my shoulders, rubbing my back, telling me to calm down.

It was then when I found out that the screaming was coming from me.

I needed to stop. I closed my mouth but I still heard screaming. I pressed my hands on my ears but it wasn't coming from my mouth. There wasn't anyone nearby besides us. The screaming was coming from inside of me. It was the last bit of hope breaking. It was the faith I had in ourselves painfully fading away.

"Kloe," Niall's voice was like music to my ears. It immediately calmed me down. The screaming started to sound muffled until it finally stopped. I was breathing heavily, tired from fighting with myself. I heard another voice but it wasn't Niall's. It had a sense of familiarity in it but I couldn't tell whose it was. My eyes were shut tight and my mind felt so off, so I couldn't determine who owned the voice.

"It's alright," the subtle voice told me, "I'm here." I felt someone touch my hand which was still covering one of my ears. I tried to resist the gesture because of the fear that the screaming might come back. "It's okay," he whispered ever so softly. Finally, I gave in.

His skin was supple and squishy as he slowly removed my hand from the side of my head. It felt like home when he interlaced his fingers in mine. I wanted to hold it forever. I squeezed it tight and never wanted to let go. "You can open your eyes now," he told me as he pulled his hand away.

I opened my eyes to see all four pairs of eyes staring directly at me but I didn't know which one was the one who whispered to me, held my hand and helped me survive. I didn't bother asking.

"If it's not too much to ask," Zayn was the first to speak, "I think you should go in there." I was afraid he was going to ask that. I was afraid of all the pressure being on me. I was afraid that Perrie might see me as the girl who ruined her relationship instead of seeing me. "By yourself," Zayn added as if I didn't already know.

My hands started to shake but Niall held my shoulder. "You got this," were his only words of wisdom. They all stood up and wiped off the dust on their jeans. They were four giants circling around a terrified midget. Zayn held out a hand to help me up and I grabbed it.

Shakily, I stood up. I tried to ignore the fear. I tried to ignore the pain. I tried to ignore the bones breaking on my chest because of the hard beating of my heart. I nodded to Mike as he stepped aside to let me in the door. As I walked the hallway, I looked for their room.

I wasn't able to reach it because, on my way there, I spotted Leigh-Anne. Or, more accurately, she spotted me.