Sanity Siphoned

Ch19: Sorrow Awakened

Chapter 19

It was three days later after her psychiatric hold that Julienne was allowed to have visitors outside of her mother. She managed a small smile when he stepped in holding a very withered flower arrangement. "I'm surprised she let you in. You're such a bad influence and all." She was favoring sarcasm more and more these last few days. She didn't have enough strength to filter her words or care what others would think. She survived the attempt on her life but that didn't mean anything, she wasn't glad for the second chance.

"I know, that's me." he smiled lopsidedly. "I stole this on the way up here. I thought they were pretty." Nick teased as he sat in the empty chair set up at her bed. "I can keep making some seriously bad jokes or you can tell me what happened." He became somber with hints of fear clouding his green eyes.

"You know what happened. I suck at coping and make very horrible mistakes. I already knew that but my shrink is excited I admit it now because he wants to believe the mistake was in trying to kill myself. I think the mistake was that I didn't succeed." She explained with a shrug, she felt numb, nothing touched her anymore, she wasn't angry, she wasn't happy, she just was.

"Julienne! Don't say that crap to me. I thought we were friends."

She frowned at his outburst. "We are."

"Friends don't leave friends. Friends come to each other, why didn't you come to me?" he was upset and made no attempts to hide it.

"There was nothing you could've done." Julienne whispered as the facade of dark humor slipped away and the truth, the ugly truth, became reality again. These last few days she could pretend nothing mattered but not with him, she could never lie to him. "I just thought it would be better."

"For who? Not for me and not for your mom. She loves you, I love you."

Her grey eyes snapped to his face. "You barely know me." it was an odd mixture of shock and awe to hear someone express love for her after all this time. Sadly it was foreign.

"I love what I know. You're the best friend I've had in a long time and I don't want to lose you. We have so much to still do like that rematch on the race and finishing high school and then college where none of this stupid teenage crap matters. We got our whole lives still and I want you there for it." he said rambling like he did when he was hyper or nervous. He tried not to let her see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for what I said." She whispered as new waves of guilt and remorse joined the others that refused to stay at bay for too long.

"Don't be, just don't say it again." Nick grabbed her hand, careful with the bandage around her wrist. "What happens now? I saw your mom and she looks like she hasn't slept in days."

"She's become a drill commander. She paces the hallways ready to bite off the head of anyone who tells her to stop. She found a place out of state….a rehab for people like me who don't know how to deal with big blows to their lives. That's the correct term she used but it's really for people too stupid to realize the epic mistakes they're making." It didn't matter what people told her or what the doctors wanted her to believe, she couldn't shake how she felt and she felt like a failure.

He treaded carefully with his next question. "You mean like you did with Michael?" she said nothing. "He tried to get me to tell him where you were but I didn't. I didn't know much and even if I did I wouldn't tell the likes of him. He probably was an epic mistake but it wasn't enough for you to kill yourself. He's not worth it. No one is." The air took on a gasping intensity as he finally addressed the subject they had been dancing around for days now.

Silent tears moved down her cheeks. "It wasn't him per se, it's what he represents." The sessions with the doctors weren't completely pointless.

Nick sighed. "I want to pound on him for hurting you."

"I let him do it."

"Like you said you had a serious loss in your family and don't cope with it well. Michael took advantage of that and deep down you know it. I don't have much time and I don't want to waste anymore on him. Is there anything I can get you? The food here probably sucks." He was obviously nervous with his rambling.

"No. My flight leaves tomorrow Nick." Now that her evaluation was over it was time for her to leave the hospital and her mother wasn't going to risk taking her home.

His shoulders viably slumped. "So this is the only time we have together. For how long?"

"Three months. I'm going to finish my junior year online and spend the summer at the rehab. If all goes well I'll be back for senior year." She repeated it with the same optimism her mother had used. It sounded forced.

Nick gasped dramatically in hopes to lighten the mood. "I'm stuck here all summer without my best friend? That really blows. Where is this rehab place? I'm going with you."

"Nick-"

"I'm serious. My parents are always looking for a place to ship me for the summer in hopes I'll come back normal. I'm sure there's a hotel dying to have me camp out there."

"I hate when you say that. You are normal Nick." He didn't let his parents and others disapproval get him down but she knew it must bother him and offered positive reinforcement when she could. It maybe would've made a difference if someone had offered her some.

"So are you. You just need a little help getting back on track and I'm going to be there for it."

"You're serious." It was times like these she was really glad she fought back against Anna and Nick came into her life. He was the best and proved it more and more.

"Yes, so where are we going?"

They hadn't been best friends long but it was long enough for Julienne to know when Nick got something in his head there was no talking him out of it. It wasn't lost on her that he had been holding her hand the whole time. He meant every word he said and never proved to be anything other then genuine. "Florida."

"Awesome, I can work on my tan."