Sanity Siphoned

Ch25: Honesty Created

Chapter 25

Julienne ran all the way home. Her chest was panting for breath and her muscles ached with tightness but none of it compared to the conflict and emotional frenzy her heart was in.

The phone rang and pulled her momentary out of her daze. She wasn't supposed to be home and her mother was at the office for several more hours, who could it be? She walked over to the object and looked at the caller ID. It showed Nick's cellphone number. She answered. "I needed to get out of there but I promise I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"Are you alright to be alone? I'll leave right now if you want me to."

"No we both don't need to get in trouble. I'll see you later." She promised again that she was of sound mind before hanging up. She couldn't blame him for being worried; she had just gotten home and needed time to adjust. It was expected for her to relapse and sadly everyone was waiting for her to. "I won't. I can handle this." she couldn't depend on someone else to keep her strong; she had to do it herself.

Julienne walked over to the couch and sat while trying to still catch her breath from the run home. Minutes later she really regretted not locking the front door in her haste to get inside.

Michael stared at her from the doorway, his blue eyes were a tailspin of emotions and she didn't know which one to believe. "I couldn't go back to class and leave this up in the air anymore." He answered the unspoken question of why he had followed her.

Julienne stood from her seat and stared at him. She couldn't believe he was actually there but then again she couldn't believe anything that happened that day was reality. "I'm supposed to talk and keep talking but there's just nothing to say." All her sessions with Dr. Sharon flashed through her mind and not one ounce of advice applied to this situation. Nothing prepared her for this.

Michael nodded his understanding then closed the door. "What are you feeling right now?" she stayed silent unable to put it into words. "Do you at least believe me?"

"I don't know." She whispered, the faint tone was all she could muster with him standing in front of her. She didn't know anymore, days before she had been so sure Michael was the scum of the earth and now she wanted to believe him, she wanted to see some sense of good.

"I'd rather cut off my arm then ever hurt you or lie to you again. I did a lot of lying Julienne when I tried to make it seem like our time together was no big deal. I'm not good at any of this and I thought it'd be better to keep my heart at a distance." Michael explained, his words tight with emotion.

"You didn't think about what it was doing to me." Try as she might she couldn't stop from crying again. His presence and words wrapped around her heart with painful strength.

"I wasn't the only one lying. You pretended to be ok with all that bullshit I spoke."

"You knew I wasn't. I told you that day in your room…." it was now or never and it was far past time she let him know exactly what he made her feel. "I told you I wanted a real chance and instead you let your friends make fun of me and then left with them. How much did you want me to take?" the sadness was replaced with anger she couldn't forget, the betrayals he dishes at her with every breath.

"I never thought you'd hurt yourself-"

"No you never think but that's not my problem. I'm not letting you put it all on me anymore. You manipulated me every damn time into agreeing with you so you wouldn't feel guilty. I don't care what you feel anymore." Julienne wasn't sure how much she believed her own words and that scared her. She didn't want to but damn it if she didn't still care about him.

"You're right about a lot except you do care. You wouldn't be crying if you didn't care. It wouldn't be this hard to walk away for either of us if our relationship was as simple as we wanted to believe. You didn't want this to happen anymore then I did but here it is."

Michael took a chance and stepped closer to her until there was barely an arm's length between them. "I want us to find away to be together. I want the chance to be with the real and healthy you."

She knew she should be kicking him out or something to unleash all the anger he caused but the words that left her mouth didn't come close. "How would that even work?" she couldn't flat out lie and deny his accusations because they both knew they were true; she did care, she did have feelings for him. Deep down even if she couldn't admit it; she did love him.

"I don't know but let me try." He touched his fingers to her cheek. "We can go slow until you can trust me. You call the shots and whatever else you want just let me back in." desperation touched every one of his words.

Julienne took a few stumbling steps back. "I just can't right now. I need to think first."

"That's better then you kicking me out on my ass." Relieved with her words he smiled.

"I should." She momentarily wondered if she needed to call her doctor and be readmitted, this certainly couldn't be normal or remotely sane.

"You should but I'm really glad you're not. I don't want to push you, I want you to be as sure as I am."

"And when did you become so sure?"

He walked over to the empty seat and sat. All smiles were gone and replaced with intensity. "When I heard you were in the hospital and you could've died I realized I was too late in trying to protect my heart and I handled everything the wrong way. I swore if I was given the chance I'd make it alright."

"I want to believe that but you never visited me and while I was gone you were living it up with another girl." she grew angry as she remembered her mother telling her about Michael and his fun summer.

"I didn't visit because I didn't want to set you back. I can be an idiot but I was pretty sure I was the last person you wanted to see."

"True." She couldn't imagine what she would've done if he had tried to see her during those dark times.

Michael stood and walked toward her again, this time only mere inches from touching. "And I wasn't with another girl. It was a date my mom pushed on me. I haven't been with anyone, not even a kiss, since you." he said the words slowly, making sure they sunk in.

Julienne's heart started to race at an abnormal pace reserved for only what Michael could make her feel. She thought it'd be best to get away, give them some room again except looking into his eyes her feet froze. "You're supposed to be going slow and giving me time to think." Her voice shook almost as much as her body did.

"I'm not doing anything."

She scoffed, her eyes stuck glued to his. "Right."

He smiled brightly. "I'll go then and you can think. Call me when you're ready to talk." Thankfully he stepped back and started walking to the door, half to his destination he turned back around and planted a kiss over her lips. "Bye." He rushed out the door before their hormones got the best of them.

Julienne sat before her wobbly knees gave out on her. It was funny how life kept throwing curve balls. She had been so sure there was nothing Michael could say or do to change her anger toward him. Now sitting there she had no idea what came next.