Sanity Siphoned

Ch30: Love Resolved

Chapter 30

After the wonderful dinner where they talked and laughed with all the freedom in the world Michael took her for a walk down the boardwalk at the beach. “Did you and Nick ever have that rematch?” he asked.

Julienne did a double take. “You know about that?”

“I heard you guys that night. I was angry you were being carefree and happy with him but I was also turned on when you saw your t-shirt stuck to you after you got out of the ocean. We should have sex on the beach one day.” It was pretty liberating to be open and honest with her and to know she’d never hold it against him or use it to hurt him.

She scoffed and held her head up high. “What makes you think we’ll ever have sex again?”

Michael chuckled and pulled her into his arms. “This.” he kissed her and knew with the way she reacted to him she had the same impure thoughts on her mind.

“I hate you.” she said with a breath while his mouth moved across her bare shoulder.

“Nah, you totally love me.”

She groaned next and made no attempt to push him away. “I guess so.”

He stood straight and looked into her eyes. “Really?” his heart started to race and it had nothing to do with the kiss they just shared. He was nervous, he was scared.

“Yes.” Her voice was soft, there was no more joking.

“Does that mean you’re done thinking this over?” his fear hadn’t left yet, he didn’t want to screw this up.

Julienne reached up and kissed him first, with that kiss he knew her answer. He couldn’t think of a time he felt his happy, he would’ve done some back flips if her lips weren’t glued to his. Actually what he wanted to do involved her out of this teasing dress but they were in public. If she kept kissing him like this he wouldn’t care who was around. “Julienne….” his hands moved down her body and cupped her backside. He pulled her against him so she’d feel the torture he was in. “Just say yes, say yes and we can get out of here.”

“I’m scared, I can’t yet.”

“Why?” he pulled away and tangled their arms from each other and stared into her eyes. “I’m not mad, just tell me.”

“Every time we’d have sex you broke my heart afterwards.” She confessed, her voice a bare whisper revealing this honesty thing wasn’t easy for her either.

“That’ll never happen again. I’m all in Julienne.”

“I know, I know that in my head but my heart isn’t ready yet.” Tears glossed her eyes as she spoke and that was enough for him to drop the subject.

“Ok. Let’s go find something to eat.” Michael took her hand and they were walking again.

“We just ate.” Her voice was still low and soft, the memories were still there in the present no matter how he tried to erase it.

“That was dinner, we need dessert, there’s always room for something sweet.”

He tried to keep the date light after that, he didn’t want her to think of the old jackass Michael. He wanted her to see that he was serious and trying his damnedest to make this work. It wasn’t easy to ask her to forget such things but he kept holding on to the hope she kept handing him.

He kept her until the very last minute to eleven, they were sitting outside of her house and he wished he knew how to turn back time and start their date all over again. He felt like an idiot, he was a man after all. He needed to man up and deal with the cards they had been dealt. But he was also a man in love and men in love were idiots and turned into sappy dogs begging for attention.

Michael kept holding onto her hand, he knew he couldn’t get between her legs yet but he wanted to hold some part of her, to have her skin against his. That’s so cheesy, he thought as his thumb moved across the top of her hand.

“How was the date?” he asked as their last seconds together dwindled down.

“You did good if that’s what you’re asking. I had fun.”

He smiled and felt like a stupid puppy again. “Good.”

She pulled her hand free. “I’ll see you tomorrow or Monday.”

He leaned in and kissed her. “Tomorrow.” He kissed her again, careful not to go too far but just enough to have her thinking about him for the next few hours to come. He pulled away from her mouth and laid a kiss over her cheek. “Goodnight.”

She nodded, her body jerky as she got out of the car. He laughed as he watched her go; mission accomplished. There was no way she wasn’t just as turned on as he was.

~*~

Julienne locked the door behind her and was about to disappear to her bedroom when her mother’s voice stopped her. “I’m in the kitchen, come here.” There was no hiding the fact she was home so she went to see what her mother was still doing up. “Did you have fun?” she asked, a small smile playing on her lips, ah this was the reason she wanted to talk.

“Yes I did. We went out to dinner and took a walk.” she took a seat at the table.

“I didn’t even know you liked Michael.”

“Mom….” It was now or ever and she hated lying to her mother. “I’m in love with him.”

Ellen Teller grew speechless. “When?”

Julienne wanted to sneak away and hide but that was the wrong choice, she had to be honest and face her fears. “Before I left to the rehab Michael and I had gotten close.” She couldn’t tell her everything, those words couldn’t be formed. “He wasn’t willing to have anything serious and that hurt me so I tried to pretend he didn’t exist and that I didn’t care. Now he’s had a change of heart and we’re trying to work it out.”

Ellen still didn’t know what to say, her face grew stern as she took in what her daughter said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was a lot I wasn’t telling you mom. I didn’t know how. I couldn’t help think and sometimes I still do think you blame me for Dad. I hear you crying sometimes and I know you’re lonely.” She wanted to be strong and talk about this without regret but the tears fell freely from her eyes. She’d never be able to talk about her father without crying, there was just no way, she missed him too damn much not to mourn at the mention of his memory

Ellen’s tears came as well. “It was an accident Julienne, I know that and have never blamed you. You have to stop blaming yourself. I loved your father and I will always miss him but never at the expense of you. Never. I couldn’t handle it if I had lost you, you’re my daughter and my old child.”

“Mom…”

“I love you with everything that I am and I need you to remember that.”

“I’m better now, I promise.” Julienne knew there was nothing she could say to make her mother feel better, the same way there was no words that would’ve helped her before. Grieving took time.

Ellen offered a small smile. “I believe you sweetie. Let’s talk about something more fun, tell me about Michael.” That small smile turned into something that could blind.

“I knew you had a crush on him.”