Jodha's Diary

Jodha's Diary : Part 5

Dear Diary,

I am sorry for being absent from such a long time. My life was so entangled that it was not possible for me to write to you. The past events have been really depressing. I had even thought of discontinuing my habit to write, but then, I did not. Simply because I know you were the only one who could listen to every pain of my heart, quietly.

Everything went from bad to worse, since I last wrote to you. Firstly, Sujamal Bhaisa joined hands with those Mughals and waged a war against Amer. That was a bid shock for me. I had never imagined that he could do something like this. He was a true patriot...I had thought. That war greatly damaged Amer...and me too. Suryabhan Singh was killed. Raj Singh and Khangaar Singh Bhaisa were kept as captives. This...completely broke me down. The fact, that Sujamal Bhaisa was the reason for all this, just increased the pain. You can't even imagine my condition then. But being a princess, I had to stay strong.

I really felt bad for Suryabhan Singh. He was killed for no reason at all. Ofcourse, that would be a matter of pride for any Rajput. But still, he deserved a better life, I believe. I had actually liked him. He seemed to be a genuine guy. I would have loved to spend my life with him. He had every quality any girl would ever want. Still thinking about him, brings tears to my eyes. Anyways...thats a thing of the past now.

As if all this was not enough, that Shareef-ud-din started his rants. He asked for heavy ransom to be paid per month in exchange of keeping my brothers alive. Only for keeping them alive, not releasing them. That was the limits. Baapusa was so tensed because of all this. Bhabhisa used to cry a lot. How shattered I was, seeing all this, you can never imagine.

Days and weeks passed like this. Shareef-ud-din's demands were increasing day by day. He doubled the ransom. Baapusa couldn't pay such a huge amount every month. Amer's treasury was for all the people, and he couldn't empty it like that. He finally found help from Chugtai Khan.

One day, he returned to the palace, seemingly relieved. He told us that his problem was fixed and that my brothers would return soon. He had fixed my marriage to a prince who had inturn offered to help Amer against the Mughals.

You know what diary, I was a bit shocked at this revelation. Not by the sudden declaration of my wedding, but by the fact that it was fixed in such a manner. I know that most of the weddings these days are like this only, merely a deal for political profit. But still, there are some dreams, every girl has, princess or not, about her marriage. About the choice of her to-be groom. It was not as if I had wanted a swayamvar for myself, out of which I would choose a dream husband. As I had already told you, I wanted one brave prince, who could ward off those foreigners, and bring me that Jallad's sar. But now when it finally came, I felt a bit awkward. But then, I am a princess. My first duty is the safety and well-being of Amer and its people. I am a sister too, and my brothers are being saved because of this alliance. What more do I need anyway? I brushed aside all my stupid worries, and accepted it as my fate.

From the day this marriage was announced, everybody in the palace seemed to be acting weird to me. I could not quite make out what it was. Moti Bai too, seemed to be disturbed. I guessed she, and the others as well, were upset as I would be leaving them soon. That was the most plausible explanation I could think of. I decided to remind Moti that she had promised to come with me, and that she should not be that sad at all.

Tears welled up her eyes as I asked her if she would come with me or not. She promised me that she would. I couldn't understand what made her cry, but I didn't point that out to her. It just didn't seem right to me.

Hardly a few days had passed, when I got the news that the marriage had to be held in Sambhar, and not Amer. And that we had to leave tonight for Sambhar. That meant I had to leave my home a lot sooner. I had to leave all my memories behind, and that too just in a few hours. It felt miserable to even think of. I wonder what caused the groom party to take such a cruel decision. Anyway...

The night finally came. Tears couldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. The mere thought of leaving all this was soo painful, the reality seemed unimaginable. This place was my home, I had spent all my good - bad moments here. Everything was going to be left behind, as I moved to a completely new world. I cast a final glance at my home, before sitting into the paalki. I would badly miss all of this.

...

Everything was perfect in Sambhar palace. It looked like heaven, in its full glory. Decorated with the most beautiful, fragrant flowers all around, it was enough to lift anyone's mood. But not mine.

I still couldn't believe that I was actually getting married. Sorry if that sounds childish. I know it does, but what to do. I still want to think of myself as a seven - year - old, playing around in the royal gardens. You perhaps are now thinking what kind of a Rajkumari I am. See...I too am a normal girl at heart. One who wants to be an innocent child forever. Alas...life does not think that way. I have grown up now, and have roles to play. Though I would trade anything in life, to be a child again. I guess everybody would.

The next day was my muh dikhai. Though, it was not exactly as it should have been.

...

I was dressed in a gorgeous pink lehanga choli, which I simply loved. Though, I had been so upset yesterday, I would admit that I was kind of excited now. Excited to get a glimpse of the man, I was going to spend my life with. It no longer seemed a political alliance to me, rather a life - long journey. But, life was not so generous towards me. I was going to get the biggest shock of my life.

I walked towards the main hall, all drenched in embarrassment. My heartbeat racing, as I approached the main setting. There was a container filled with water, in which we had to glance at each other. The others sat surrounding it. I had a big veil, so I could hardly see anything. I could feel my heart beat racing as I moved forward. I moved as slowly as I could. No, not purposely, but that was the maximum speed my heavy lehanga would allow. I finally reached my destination, and stopped.

Both of us looked into the water at the same time. I saw a face appearing on the water surface, beside my own. It seemed strangely familiar. Those deep eyes, staring into mine, those lips, which seemed ready to break into a smirk, that magnetic face...Wait...I know him...He is...He is...Jalal... I had come to know him after he left a note in the Amer prison. It was the same person whom I called Jallad. Whom I hated with all my life. Here he was, standing in front of me, a victorious smile adorning his face. There was a time I couldn't forget this charismatic face of his. Now this seemed to me the most disgusting one ever.

Never in my worst dreams had I imagined something like this. I felt numb at that moment. Shocked would be an understatement. It felt that I would collapse right there. My legs felt too weak to carry me. There was so much to handle, the Jallad in front of me, my parents betrayal, and above all, the darkest phase of my life, which was about to begin.

But, one look at his smirking face again, and I could no longer bear it all. I just turned away, and ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I didn't give a single thought to what anybody out there would think. I just couldn't bear to stay there any longer. Every single part of my body, longed to go away, far away from there.

I broke down after that. I cried and cried as much as I could. Even while writing all this, my tears have not stopped.

...

Thanks for reading.