Jodha's Diary

Jodha's Diary : Part 7

Hey Diary,

I am really pissed off now. No darling, not by you. I am pissed off by the fact that nobody, not even my own parents are willing to understand me.

You know what, I got a huge lecture from Baapusa today. I don't usually take his words like lecture, but I swear, they sounded like one this time. He just came to repeat what ever has been going round in my mind since I came to know the truth. And you won't believe me, but he actually sided with that Jallad. What the hell right? He actually told me that Jalal never offended me and wants to marry me according to all rituals and all. I mean...what did he actually think before uttering those words? I never ever expected to hear this, at all. Maybe he doesn't actually know how to read people's eyes. But I do. I know those looks of his, I know that victorious smirk of his, I know HIM.

He wants to marry me, only to avenge his insult, only to crush me under his power. My father doesn't know that, or maybe doesn't WANT to.

I had a hard time convincing Baapusa to allow me talk to Jalal. But after a big round of discussions, he finally agreed.

I was actually imagining his reaction to my call. Undoubtedly he must've given that disgusting smirk of his. He must be wondering the reason. Wait...let me change the topic diary, can't even bear to imagine him with his smirk. ( Listen, I'm not obsessed with his smirk okay? I just HATE it. )

Leave that. Let me tell you what happened in my meeting with him.

Thank goodness there was my veil and that purdah between me and him. Though I don't who brought such awfully thin ones. I don't think those curtains help even a bit. Even with the purdah, I could feel his chilly presence.

And you know what, I tried so so hard to keep my face calm and composed. But my disgust for him often is too tough to hide. Nevertheless, I almost made an expressionless face there in the meeting.

I had planned to not even glance at him there. But I don't know and why, the moment I stepped in, my gaze involuntarily travelled to him. I swear diary, INVOLUNTARILY. Not my fault, right? As soon as my eyes fell on him, his piercing gaze met mine. And it literally was PIERCING. It actually made me shiver to think that I had to spend my entire life with this man. I quickly lowered my eyes, and fixed them to a point on the wall. But two things that I noticed were- Firstly, he seemed a bit calm today, and secondly, the SMIRK was missing. ( Again, I'm NOT obsessed. )

As both us took our seats, he asked me the reason for this meeting. He actually spoke the words so calmly, that I was surprised. Actually I had imagined him to be a devil, one who keeps shouting always. Anyways.

This time, I looked straight into his eyes. No matter how piercing his gaze might be, I can't afford to look down now. I think I noticed that flicker in his eyes, as soon as I looked into them. I might as well be daydreaming.

Looking straight into his eyes, and trying to seem as confident as I could, I put forward my first condition. It said that I won't change my religion after my marriage to him. I paused to gauge everyone's reactions. As expected, there were whispers all around the room. Some turned to look at another, and some gave bewildered expressions. Well, undoubtedly, Maham Anga was the best among thee bewildered ones. Literally diary, I'm not at all joking.

Jalal still tried his best to remain as composed as ever. But I'm sure I noticed him flinch at my words. Quickly, he wanted to me speak out the next one. The next one said that my Kaanha would also go to Agra with me, and a temple would be made for him. I already knew that this one would bring reactions worse than the first one.

Everybody present in the room stood up at once. Even Baapusa seemed hell shocked at this. You know what diary, honestly speaking, I wanted to smirk at this. I really love to shock people. I couldn't help but grin at their shocked expressions.

That smile was the game-changer. Though I hate him with all my heart, I won't deny his eagle eyes and shrewdness. That little smile of mine told him all my secret plans. I wanted to bang my head as I realized what a stupid I had been.

He slowly stood up, cast a glance round the room, and then shot me a look. The next moment, a wicked smile appeared on his face. That moment, and I knew I was defeated. My face fell. His smirk only widened at that.

His eyes fixed on me, he announced proudly that my conditions were accepted by him. I saw Maham's shocked face, staring at Jalal. There was silence in the room. Everyone looked at Jalal. With that victorious ( and disgusting ) smirk intact, and a final look at me, he left the room.

Here goes my plan, all shattered. I had been a fool throughout, and underestimated the man in front of me. Anyway, I have learnt my lesson, I have to be careful with him.

As we were leaving, I could hear Dadisa exclaiming how tolerant and good her Jamaisa was! Everybody seemed so pleased by Jalal's gesture. They are all misunderstanding him!

...

It is only a day before I get married. Only a day before I leave my world, and go to some unknown, evil world, with replicas of that Jallad. I can't help feeling nervous.

I sat alone in my room today. There are times when you just want to be alone. So that you can be yourself, and evaluate yourself.

I can't believe I am gonna get married tomorrow. This all seems so unreal. Just yesterday I used to play with dolls. And today, I'm a doll of fate.

I opened my treasure box. Actually that is my mother's. There is no real treasure in it, only me old belongings. There it was, my doll. Champa, I used to call her. I was the one who organized her wedding, who used to decorate her as the most beautiful bride ever. Memories seemed to overwhelm my senses. Those good, old days!

That is when Maasa stepped in. I didn't even realize that she had come. As I did, I quickly snapped out of my reverie. But she told me to get lost, lose myself in sweet, old memories, for they won't come back again. I simply smiled at her, she truly knows me best.

Throughout the night, we kept talking, and reminiscing old memories. She showed some really tiny outfits, which were mine when I was as tiny as them. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight of them. How days pass by! That night I slept in my mother's lap, the safest place for a child. All the worries leave you when you are with your mother. The same happened to me. I slept peacefully with her, as Maasa sung to me a lori, just like she used to. I didn't even realize when sleep took over me. I guess that's what Mom's Magic is. This would give me the strength I need to gather for the future events, for what is to come tomorrow.

...

Thanks for reading.