As soon as we got home the suggestion flying around had to be 7 minutes in heaven. I sat down next to Zoe not wanting to play one little bit. They put all our names except Alfie's into one of Marcus' snapbacks and I folded my arms.
"Are you ready for the pairs?" Alfie asked, holding his hand above the hat. Everyone nodded and I couldn't help but shake my head no. Alfie reached his hand into the hat and pulled out the first name.
"Caspar." Alfie smiled, reaching his hand again.
"Tanya." Alfie looked at the two as Jim shot Caspar a look. I think he forgot Caspar's gay even if he's the one who overhead him.
"Next pair okay?" Alfie asked, reaching his hand in.
"Zoe." Alfie exclaimed, showing the paper and then throwing it over his shoulder.
"Jim." He mumbled, showing that one too.
"That leaves Joe and I." Marcus sighed. Marcus dragged me along. He closed the door behind him and I just looked at him.
"How's it going?" I asked awkwardly.
"Fine." Marcus responded, nervously.
"Are you okay?" I asked, shoving my hands in my pocket.
As soon as Marcus pushed his lips to mine I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I had no idea what to do besides tell myself I loved Caspar. I didn't like Marcus in anyway more than a... Enemy? I guess that's what I classify him as. I would say friend but, we are far from friends.
"W-why did you d-do that?" I asked, folding my arms and looking down.
"I'm sorry. I just had to know what it felt like. I'm kinda confused about my...err.." Marcus brought my head up to look at him, "I was kinda hoping I'd get you. I wouldn't want to kiss anyone else." Marcus smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Well if you're having sexuality problems just ask yourself. I guess that's what I did. I figured out I was gay when I started having feelings for this kid from school." I explained, smiling remembering our relationship. Of course he was straight but we were friends. I never came out to him though.
"Oh, okay. I did like Zoe but, she's with Alfie. Then I started liking you. Caspars got you dragged in though." Marcus explained, sighing.
"Who's the favorite Sugg?" I asked as the door was pulled open.
"Zoe." he mumbled, walking out of the room. The only thing I could think of to do was go on a long walk and clear my head. I began walking down the street remembering this week. It seems like it's gone on forever. So much has happened and my eye is still a little black. My body was aching and all I wanted to do was sleep.
There was so much I could've done to make myself happier on this trip. I guess I should've been more social. Should have made a lemonade stand when I had the chance. I should've stood up for myself, been a little braver. Zoe's always been braver then me. The second she knew she was in love with Alfie she told him. If she was being bullied, I didn't need to protect her. She knew how to protect yourself.
I know exactly what I'll do when I get back. Ask Caspar out. I mean it's coming to be night time. I know we'll see each other again after this but right now, feels so right. I saw a bench and I sat down, thinking about creative ways I could ask Caspar out. I don't think he'd like something traditional. It doesn't seem like Caspar. He's never done anything the classic way. He always finds his own way. I'm just not creative.
On the walk back the nerves became to talk over and I began to freak out. I can't back out of this. I love Caspar. He's the one I want to be my first boyfriend. Well, I guess my first everything. Nothing exciting never happens to me and I know he can make me life a whole lot more interesting. I began walking again and the house came into view. I saw everyone outside, looking around. They probably think Marcus scared me off. That wouldn't be a huge surprise.
As I began walking down the driveway everyone's eyes locked on mine. I just tried to conceal the nerves. I didn't see Caspar so I knew he was up in my room. Well, I guess it's his room now. I ignored everyone as I pulled open the door and closed it behind me. As I made my way up the stairs I seemed to forget how to breath.
"If I can't be brave like Zoe that's fine." I mumbled, knowing I was still going to do it anyway.
