Avatar Rose: Justice

Chapter 11: Snapped.

I watch Nathan for a bit, my gaze suddenly turning solemn and empty.

What am I doing here? Why am I still alive? Why can't all of this just end?

The questions hover around my brain, leaving a stinging sensation in my chest. No one needs me, they're just pretending they do because they're afraid.

They should be afraid. I want them to be afraid of me.

I'm the survivor here. I've began to realize that the never ending hell is the world itself. It can be beautiful at times, masking and deceiving so many people from its cruelty. It squashes you like a bug.

Not me.

Nathan finishes the obstacles in a few minutes. His gaze hits me, a tiny smile lifting the corners of his lips as if saying, "did you see that?"

I try to smile back, but my lips seem to be frozen into a frown at the moment. I quickly look away.

Please walk away.

He begins to walk towards me.

Dammit.

I begin to walk towards the exit when Austin practically flies into it. His face is slightly covered in mud and his eyes are a little wild.

I wrinkle my nose. "Austin, what in the hell are you--"

He grabs my wrist and drags me out of the tent. I stumble a little and glance at Nathan with a little shrug. He just stands there, dumbfounded and suddenly tense.

I roll my eyes. Here we go again.

Austin still drags me until he spots a little alley between two buildings and slips into it. His eyes are a bit softer now.

"Is that Nathan? Is that your boyfriend?" He asks, his voice suddenly intense and commanding.

It takes me aback. "Err... yeah, he is," I stammer. I writhe out of his grip, taking a step back.

"I think I love you," he blurts, so innocently and plainly it makes me choke a little.

I cough. "What?"

Austin nods eagerly, his smile growing by the second. "I've never felt like that about anyone before. It has to mean something, right? I tried to think of different words to use, but that one seemed to fit just right."

I open my mouth to say something, but he stops me by pressing his lips on to mine. I instantly recoil, stumbling back and eventually running away.

I feel the purple seeping from my eyes, leaving them the color of amber they should be. It's like all the power and pride I had felt is diminishing and turning into guilt and hate.

My hands are trembling. Some people stare at me and whisper. I need to snap out of it. I run into a random building and slip into a supply closet, the perfect hiding place.

A sob makes itself up my throat, forcing me to let it out. My automail is suddenly visible. I crawl up into a little ball in a dark corner, watching my tears fall on to the cement floor. I push into the corner even more, wanting to disappear forever. Austin was the final straw. I can't take much of anything anymore.

At some point, I doze off. The sense of dread fills my insides as I realize I'm entering a dream. Who shall I watch die this time? I'm just about to attempt to scream myself awake, but I realize I'm in a younger body.

My younger body. I sit at a cafe table, my legs swinging back and forth on the chair because they can't reach the bottom. I feel my hair in two braids instead of one.

My mom walks out of the cafe, carrying two donuts and hot chocolates, and a coloring book along with some crayons.

I'm suddenly watching the scene outside my younger body now. My face lights up, delighted. My eyes scan the coloring book with joy, I can smell the wonderful scents of baked goods.

My mom and I used to do this every Saturday. We would go out into town and take walks, and sometimes get treats like these. We sure could afford it.

The memory fades as I enter consciousness. Hot tears are still rolling down my face. I was crying in my sleep.

I stare into the darkness, hoping it will consume me at any moment now.

I want this to end.