invisible ; malum [completed]

23

a/n: hello i am back with another update

!!!!!!! this chapter is triggering, please be careful and stay strong.

if you're triggered easily, just skip to the first dash (-)

there are mentions of abuse, so if you're also triggered by that, just basically skip the whole chapter, i'll summarize it at the end!

song i listened to while writing:
breathe me - sia
blue - troye sivan (which is above because i like it the most with this chapter)
if i could fly - one direction

also the day is like friday, and last weekend was when calum admitted his love for mikey.

» calum

i stand, looking at myself in the mirror.

all i see is the ugly boy who has been rejected countless times.

i see the bags under my eyes, the weakness in my smile, the blemishes on my tan skin, and the fault in my whole self, my whole existence.

"you aren't good enough. you were never good enough," i whisper, making direct eye contact with myself through the dirty mirror.

my lip starts to tremble as i quickly glance around. the bathroom is almost completely barren except for one thing: my shaving razors that i never used.

i pop a single blade from it, and hold it between my fingers. i focus my vision on it and spot my distorted reflection in it.

tears rush down my face as i recklessly put the blade to my wrist. the blood bubbling freaks me out slightly because i have never done this before, but i feel some sort of relief with it.

i do it again. drag the blade across my wrist like the worthless piece of shit i am.

again. and again. and again until i feel completely numb.

i fall back against the wall. i curl my knees into my chest and let my head rest against them.

i sob helplessly.

the one person who could bring me out of my misery was the person who put me here in the first place.

ironic.

-

i wake up, still in the bathroom. the cuts on my wrist are covered in dry blood.

i stand up and make my way to the sink. i use the cold water to wash the blood away. red fills the sink, making the purest of substances seem tainted.

i clean up my pathetic mess and leave the bathroom. i examine the house and observe that my mother had left a note.

calum,

i believe you are taking a shower right now, so i left you this note to tell you i'll be home later tonight around 3 a.m. don't wait up for me.

some chicken is in the fridge along with some potatoes. eat and sleep well.

i love you.

- mom x

i sigh unhappily. i miss my mom.

it's all because of my dad's neglect to help take care of me that she has to work two, sometimes even three, jobs.

i kick the counter in anger, but i end up hurting my toe rather than letting out the anger.

"fucking hell!"

at that, the doorbell rings. to say i was surprised is an understatement.

no one comes to see me at my house, at 10:00 p.m. nonetheless.