Chapter Eleven
Jack’s POV
(One week later)
It had been a strange week ever since last Sunday, when Alex and I made out. We still kissed sometimes when we hung out, and admittedly we sat a little closer to one another. But we didn’t cuddle, we didn’t hand hold, and we didn’t make out. It was a sort of wary relationship, but taking it slow was fine for me.
I had to be extra careful around Alex though, because he always kept a close eye on me when I ‘ate.’ I had learned a lot of tricks though, such as use utensils to cut the food up and while doing so, talk a lot to attract attention. I would also kind of wave my food around to distract him from my lack of actual eating. Oh, and lots and lots of questions. Basically, anything I could to keep him (or my parents) from realizing that I wasn’t actually eating the food. I think Alex actually suspected something was up, because as he promised, he never let the black-out thing go. I guess he kind of connected it to the absence of food from my life, and that was why he always made sure I ate. I felt terrible about lying to him and deceiving him, but it was better than the truth- I was on a downward spiral that even I couldn’t control anymore.
Two weeks after that, a month since both of us had moved to Baltimore, Alex and I were hanging around my house on a Saturday afternoon. Our parents had gone out together on some day trip, leaving us to our own devices. I sat on the counter while Alex puttered around the kitchen, making food. Without looking up from where he was dicing vegetables, he casually asked “Are you trying to lose weight, Jack ?” My head jerked up, “What ?” I had thought I’d been doing a pretty good job of faking. He turned to look at me this time, “Are you trying to lose weight or something ? You don’t eat very much.” I coughed, “Uh yeah, I have a pretty sketchy appetite I guess.” I shrugged for effect, directing my attention out the window. Alex set a plate down at the table, “Then here, come eat this.” “But-“ I started, but he cut me off. “I’m worried about you, Jack, that’s all. Just put my mind at ease and eat this, okay ?” I hopped off the counter and reluctantly sat down, picking at my food. He sat down across from me, “Your parents are never around, so they don’t notice it, but I do. You’re too thin Jacky.” My cheeks warmed, he had never called me Jacky before- how could I resist when he said that ?
I finished the entire plate of food, practically bursting at the seams by the time I finished. I felt disgusting, like I had gained ten pounds with that one meal. But I faked a smile and resisted the urge to run to the bathroom. Instead, I drank a lot of water so I would have an excuse to go later.
Ten minutes later, I stood up from my place on the couch, “I gotta pee.” Alex stood too, “I gotta run home for a second anyway, I’ll be back.” I walked slowly toward the stairs, then ascended them two at a time when Alex left. I threw up violently, immediately feeling relieved. I sat back, running my hands through my hair. This was getting harder and harder to hide…but how could Alex tell if I was still so fat ?
I raced back downstairs so that Alex wouldn’t notice I was gone too long. On the way there, I stumbled, feeling extremely dizzy. I threw myself on the couch, trying to act normal, but my vision swam, my eyes unfocused. It felt like I was extremely drunk and looking through a kaleidoscope. I sank to my knees, clutching my head, and that’s how Alex found me.
“Jack ?!” He rushed over to me, trying to pry my hands off my head. “Make it stop,” I whimpered. “Make what stop Jacky ? What happened ?” I collapsed against him, the colors fading and the swirling going away. “Help me upstairs, Alex.” He helped me stand, and I leaned heavily on him. “We should probably go to the hospital, Jack…” I denied it so fervently that he finally relented, and took me upstairs.
He laid me down on my bed, then joined me. I curled up into his side, my head resting on him halfway between his chest and stomach. He stroked my hair, “Jacky.” “What ?” I answered, not opening my eyes. “What’s been going on ? You’re scaring me.” ‘It doesn’t matter.” I mumbled. He didn’t reply after that.
Alex fell asleep after about ten minutes, but I was too worried to sleep. I played absently with the bottom of his t-shirt, twisting it in my hands. In doing so, I had lifted his shirt a little above his hips. I couldn’t help but sneak a glance at his sculpted body, but that wasn’t the only thing I saw. Where had Alex gotten that scar ? It looked bad…I carefully lifted up his shirt to inspect it. Right away, I saw that wasn’t the only scar- there were dozens more. Some weren’t healed over yet, even. It took a minute to register how those scars had gotten there.
My mouth gaped open, and my tears spilled over immediately. I could do nothing but hold onto the t-shirt and stare. I guess my tears on his stomach woke him up, because Alex suddenly stirred. He sat up quickly, yanking his shirt down. “Jack ! What are you doing ?” My tear-filled eyes met his, and he knew immediately that I had seen
He jumped off the bed, visibly upset. “Jack ! Why did you…You ruined everything !” He was screeching now, tears running down his face as well.
I could do nothing but watch as he paced around the room, screaming and crying. The only thing I could think of were those cuts…My beautiful Alex stood in the center of my room, lifting his shirt and staring down at himself with clear self-loathing. “I hate you,” He muttered to himself, scratching violently over his cuts.
I jumped up, yanking his hands off his hips, grabbing both his wrists in one hand. He hung his head, defeated, sobbing loudly. I let go of his hands, and his arms dangled by his sides. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. He returned the hug, gripping me tightly and crying into my shoulder.
“Help me, Jacky.”
