Chapter Thirteen
One week after everything went down between Alex and I, nothing about my eating habits had changed. Well, I guess that’s not true. Around Alex I ate, but then later I would throw it all up with satisfaction. I guess it never occurred to him that I would do such a thing, so it was just another dirty secret from him. I was extra careful about this secret though; I had thought last time I’d been doing a good job of hiding my ED from Alex, but I guess not.
I glanced over at the old crayon box on my bedside table. That box held a dirty secret as well- it was the box containing none other than all of Alex’s razors. It had astounded me how many he had, I tried so hard not to freak out when he showed me them. He let me take them home with me, and it made me feel better but also worse. Better that he would be okay, but worse in the sense that I was still hiding from him. I was being so hypocritical, I know, but it was easier to help him than help myself. And honestly, he meant more to me than I did to myself.
I rolled over in bed, tearing my eyes away from the box. My stomach grumbled, but I ignored it like I had been doing for over a month now. It was getting easier every day.
I had school in about an hour, and I was really not looking forward to it. God I hated Tuesdays. Or any day I had to go to school. The only thing that could get me out of bed was the thought of seeing my Alex . We had plans to hang out after too, which I was a little apprehensive about. All Alex had said was that he needed to talk to me about something important, that he had some things to tell me. Which of course left me with wondering whether he had found out something else about me he should have.
About an hour after school ended, I walked across the street to Alex’s, shaking like a dog. His mother let me in, and I trudged up the stairs. I opened the door, revealing a just as nervous looking Alex. Oh God, I thought.
“T-there’s something I wanna tell you.” He stuttered out. I nodded for him to continue, shaking my leg up and down with tension. “I…have a brother. HAD a brother. His name was Tom…” Now that, I had not been expecting. “Had ?” I choked out. Wow, poor Alex. Was that why he cut ? “Yeah, he’s…he’s dead. My older brother is dead.” Tears ran down his cheeks, and I had no idea what to do. How do you comfort someone in that much emotional pain ? It can’t be helped, I can’t bring Tom back. So I just held him, rubbing his back as he sobbed into my shirt. “I just wanted to tell you so you would know. If I ever get emotional about something weird, that’s why. And uh, that’s a big reason why I started…you know.” He reached over and pulled a picture out of his drawer. It was a younger Alex with an older, good-looking guy who definitely resembled him. “I always hid this from you until I was ready to tell you. I don’t want any more secrets between us, Jacky. So now you know.”
Guilt literally washed over me. No more secrets, he had said. That’s what you think, I thought bitterly.
We tried to move past the emotional confession, and work on some music. I had brought my guitar over, and he had his, so we just jammed together. It was really great to be back to our old selves, not dwelling so much on our problems. It helped when Alex leaned over and kissed me softly, grinning my favorite crooked smile of his.
His parents were at work, so we moved our party downstairs for a while. After about an hour, like always, Alex insisted on making me dinner. I agreed, but rolled my eyes when he turned around. He only wanted what was best for me, but little did he know that he wasn’t helping at all….I felt bad for even thinking that, but I couldn’t deny the truth.
Later on, as we sprawled out on the kitchen floor for no apparent reason, Alex raced upstairs. He returned with a well-worn blue notebook. He sat down again and began furiously writing in it. “I have a surprise for you !” He said excitedly. He raced back upstairs again, taking the notebook with him, much to my disappointment. I was dying to see what was in it. He returned with his guitar, confusing me further. “Turn around,” He told me. “What ?” “Just do it !” Alex demanded. We sat for a second in silence, and then he started to play his guitar. I was shocked at the sound of his voice- he was singing.
Alex was singing to me
“I wish you could see your face right now
'Cause you're grinning like a fool
And we're sitting on your kitchen floor
On a Tuesday afternoon
It doesn't matter when we get back
To doing what we do
'Cause right now could last forever
Just as long as I'm with you
You're just a daydream away
I wouldn't know what to say if I had you
And I'll keep you a daydream away
Just watch from a safe place
So I never have to lose
We would go out on the weekend
To escape our busy lives
And we'd laugh at all the douche-bag guys
Chasing down their desperate wives
I would drink a little too much
You'd offer me a ride
And I would offer you a t-shirt
And you would stay another night
But you're just a daydream away
I wouldn't know what to say if I had you
And I'll keep you a daydream away
Just watch from a safe place
So I never have to lose
We never stood a chance out there
Shooting love in real-time
So we'll take it over ice tonight
With a little salt
And a little lime
You're just a daydream away
I wouldn't know what to say if I had you
And I'll keep you a daydream away
Just watch from a safe place
So I never have to lose
You're just a daydream away
I wouldn't know what to say if I had you”
I was in complete awe. He was an amazing singer, and his lyrics were just wow….Alex wrote a song about us. I turned around, “Alex…that was….wow. That was unbelievable. You’re amazing, you’re perfect, you’re…mine.” I leaned in to kiss him, deepening it quickly. “How did you write that that fast ?” He shrugged, “What can I say ? You inspire me.” I looked to the notebook, “Is this your lyric book ?” He nodded blushing. I carefully picked it up, and as I did so, something fell out.
A razor.
