I laid on my bed, thinking about Jack. What was he hiding from me, and why ? I just wanted him to like me…Because I sure as hell liked him. He made me feel good, being around him made me forget about my problems, and that was something I needed in my life. I needed Jack in my life.
My plans for Sunday were to just lay in bed and think about Jack, since I never did anything productive anyway. My parents were going to some shopping mall for the whole day or something, so why bother getting up ? But when I blinked my eyes open, I realized I wasn’t alone. Deep brown eyes that looked all too familiar stared back at me. “Ahh !” I sat bolt upright, “Jack ! What the fuck ?!”
He laughed, causing my stomach and my heart to do weird things. “Good morning sunshine !” I suddenly became really self-conscious about my bed-head and my morning breath. “How did you get in here ?” I demanded. “I knocked, but no one answered. The door was unlocked, so I just let myself in.” He grinned, pleased with himself. “By the way, it’s past noon. You’re a bum.” I shook my head, “Why are you here ?” Not that I didn’t want him here… His eyes met mine, “I really wanted to see you.”
I made Jack step out of the room while I showered and changed, my thoughts racing. I hurriedly brushed my teeth, wondering why he wanted to see me so badly. Could he possibly like me back ?
“You can come in now !” I called. Jack sauntered into my bedroom, jumping onto my bed. He casually glanced around as I stood awkwardly, and suddenly he clapped excitedly. “You have a guitar ?!” He raced over to where my guitar stood in the corner of the room. I shoved my hands in my pockets, wincing when I scraped over my cuts. “Yea, you play ?” He nodded, playing a few chords. I could tell he was a lot better than me. “Yeah, I mostly sing,” I blurted out. Shit, why did I say that ? He sat on my bed with the guitar, “Really ?” His eyes bored into mine with interest. I nodded, afraid he would ask me to sing. “Do you write your own stuff ?” I nodded again, suddenly very nervous. He laid the guitar down, “Hey, what’s wrong ? You looked freaked.” I swallowed hard, I couldn’t very well tell him that my lyrics were a lot about my dead brother, or that I was nervous because I liked him so much, or that I had mild anxiety. So I stayed silent, staring at him.
He stood, “If you want me to leave…” “No ! It’s not that…I just…” Jack looked at me with those big brown eyes that said ‘trust me’. I looked down at my feet, “I just….really like you.” His eyes widened with shock, “You like me ?” I didn’t meet his eyes, I was afraid that he was about to run away screaming. “Alex. You like me ?” I looked up this time, blushing. “Yea,” I answered softly.“I like you too Alex. A lot.” My smile was so big, it could have shattered my face.
We both just kind of sat down on the floor then, talking about music. It was if our confessions had never even happened. It was still in the back of my mind though, as I gazed at the gorgeous boy in front of me, watching as he happily strummed the guitar. He stopped suddenly, handing it to me. “You play.” I obliged, taking it in my hands and preparing to play one of my originals. I wasn’t ready to sing though, not just yet.
I watched Jack carefully as I played; he bobbed his head along and smiled like he was enjoying it. When I finished, he looked at me “That was good, who was that ? I didn’t recognize it.” “It’s an original,” I said shyly. “Wait, you wrote that ? It was awesome, dude !” I nodded, looking at my hands because I didn’t know what else to do. “What’s it called ?” “Remembering Sunday…do you really like it ?” It was one of my more emotional songs, and it was one of my babies, so to speak. He nodded, “Yea, Alex, that was amazing.” He was quiet for a minute. “Do you…have lyrics for it ?” I nodded slowly, afraid to speak. I wasn’t ready to share the full song with him, and I hoped he understood. He seemed to sense my hesitation, and he dropped it, strumming random chords now and then.
Around dinnertime, we finally emerged from my room, heading for the kitchen. He seemed like the jittery one now, and I wondered why. I heated up some pizza rolls for us, because let’s face it, we’re teenage guys. As I leaned over the table and set his plate in front of him, I glanced up and happened to be looking right into his eyes. We were quiet for a second, and then my eyes slowly closed. Jack pressed his lips to mine.
I was kissing Jack.
It was short and sweet, kind of a surprised peck. We both pulled back, eyes wide. Pizza rolls abandoned, we both got up and headed for my bedroom.
It was like a daze as I shut the door to my room, turning around to face Jack. He caught my chin with his hand, bending down slightly to kiss my lips. It was another peck at first, and then I pulled his lips around mine in a real, full kiss. He pushed me back against the wall gently, still cupping my face. I was mesmerized by the way his lips moved so gently around mine, tugging slightly without being overbearing. He hands moved to my hips, and I flinched and pulled away. “No,” I said unthinkingly. His eyes were widened with hurt at my rejection, and he shook his head. “I- I have to go.” Grabbing his hoodie off my bed, he raced out of my room, thundering down the stairs. I heard the front door slam behind him, and I sank down the wall, burying my face.
I’m such a fuck-up.
