Chapter Sixteen
I left the hospital without really knowing where I was going. I hadn’t told my parents that Jack was even in the hospital, and I really didn’t feel like explaining the situation right now. Jack was really the only friend I could talk to about heavy emotional stuff, so right now I didn’t have anywhere to turn. Just me, myself, and I.
I pulled my hood up to shield myself from the chilly, late October air. I felt guilty for leaving Jack, but he had done the same thing to me a week ago. I needed time and space to think. Was my friendship or whatever I had going with Jack benefitting him or hurting him ? And what about me ?
What about us ?
I loved Jack, I really did, and I knew that. But I had to think about what’s best for him. I mean, I’m just some stupid, broken kid who can’t even help himself. Also, I had basically let my best friend land himself in the hospital, and I had pushed him away in the process. Not to mention ran away afterward. Wow, I royally fucked up.
Jack was released from the hospital two days later. I had promised him to tell Zack and Rian that he had the stomach flu or something, anything but the truth. Things between Jack and I were…weird. Doable, but still odd. Joyce had called my mother and today they were having some weird mom-meeting to talk about Jack…They wanted Jack out of the house, so he would be coming over to mine while our dads ignored us downstairs for sports.
The door to my bedroom opened, “Hey, ‘Lex.” I blushed at the nickname, “Hey, Jacky.” He wandered into the room awkwardly. “So….” “So…” I answered back. I flopped onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. Jack did the same. “Lex, what’s going on between us ? I mean, are we okay ?” I turned to face him, and our noses were touching. “Yeah. Yeah Jack, we’re okay.” Brown orbs stared into my honey ones, and I saw the depth of sadness there. I wondered when Jack had lost the funny, outgoing part of himself, the real Jack. He was nothing more but a ghost of his former self now, a hollow shell. Then again, I could say the same.
I think that’s why his parents are so worried about him. This thing, this eating disorder, hasn’t just been affecting his weight and his health, its changed the course of who he is. He’s not Jack Barakat anymore, and he isn’t Jacky…he’s just Jack.
Lips against mine. Skin against skin. Me, on top of Jack. Tongues, swirling together. Hands tangled in hair. This is Jack, this is Alex- Jacky and Lex. This is him. This is me. This, is us.
It was then that I realized- when we were together, we were whole. This is how the real us got brought out. We needed each other. It’s a cold world out there, but here with Jack, I was pretty damn warm.
Jack and I collapsed in a fit of laughter. The sun was streaming in through the window, and it was just after seven o’clock. I had been piggybacking him around my room when his long legs had knocked over half the contents of my dresser. He crashed to the floor on top of me, and my giggles couldn’t be contained. To further my laughter, Jack straddled me and started tickling me up and down my ribs. I was gasping for air, but he wouldn’t let up- that is, until his lips found mine once again.
The door opened, and I froze under Jack. “What’s wrong ?” He asked immediately. I nodded toward the door, where my dad was standing in shock. He finally spoke “I guess I shoulda known. Good for you kids, you seem to make each other happy.” He stroked his chin, “Uh, I’m gonna go back downstairs and act like I didn’t see anything. I won’t tell anyone until you’re ready…” He shrugged, and with that, he closed the door and left.
Jack shrugged too, and placed his lips at my throat. His hands found my hips, and they moved my shirt aside. I tried not to panic, Jack knew what he was doing. His long fingers stroked my scars gently, and it felt…nice. Neither of us said anything, we just kind of acknowledged the moment in silence. I ran my fingers through his hair, spiking it up softly. We moved to the bed, under the covers. I laid my head on his chest, reveling in his heartbeat. Our legs tangled together blissfully, and his arm wrapped around me. I hummed a little, a few lyrics spilling out, “Lazy lover, find a place for me again…” We were both silent for a few moments.
“Jacky ?” I questioned. He said my name at the exact same time I said his.
Then, in unison, we both spoke- “I love you.”
