Chapter Twenty Two
Alex’s POV
I squirmed anxiously, feeling a lot like a child. It was Christmas morning, and I was waiting for the Barakat’s to arrive so we could all open presents together. Jack and I agreed not to get each other anything, since we were both broke, but I had gotten him something anyway. I was nervous that he wouldn’t like it, but I talked to Joyce about it and she assured me he would love it. Actually, she assured me that he loved ME, but that was a whole other story.
I jumped up at the sound of a knock at the door, throwing it open. “MERRY CHRISTMAS !” The Barakat’s yelled enthusiastically. I let them inside, and I pulled Jack up to my room to give him his present in private. No, not like that. I pulled the box out from under my bed, eager for him to open it. Before I got the chance, he stopped me. “Alex, there’s something I have to tell you. I can’t lie to you on fricking Christmas. I…I’ve been making myself throw up. I haven’t been getting better at all, it’s all been a lie, an act. I’m not better, Lex….I’m, well I guess you would say I’m bulimic.”
My face fell. Not only was Jack really sick, but he’d been lying to me. Our relationship was built on lies. I got better for him, and what did he do ? Lie and cheat me out of the one thing that made me feel better. His strength had pushed me to get better too, but now that was all gone, erased like the happiness I had only moments before. I tossed his present at him, “Merry fucking Christmas.” I left the room quickly, pulling on a coat and slipping out the front door before anyone could notice I was missing.
Tears filled my eyes immediately, “Hey Tom. It’s me again. Merry Christmas.”
I sank onto my knees on his grave, crying for him and for Jack. “Me and Jack had a fight. He’s not getting better Tom….I don’t know what to do anymore.” I looked up at the sky, which was completely milky white and gray. I shivered from the cold snow, but still stayed on my knees. “What do I do ?”
I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned around to see Jack walking toward me. “Hey.” He said softly. “They told me I might find you here.” I stood up, “Get the fuck away from my brother.” The venom in my voice made him jump back in surprise. “You don’t get to just walk up to his grave like you know him. You don’t belong here, and I don’t want you here.” I told him coldly. The shocked, pained expression on his face made me feel nothing, I was already too emotional. He had already pissed me off and made me sad earlier, and now he had walked in on me in a vulnerable moment. Everything I thought I knew was crashing down around me and my only source of self-respect left came with retaliation.
He turned around and walked away without a word. As he left, an envelope fell out of his pocket. My curiosity got the best of me, and I picked it up and opened it. It was my Christmas present.
Inside was a single piece of paper containing three words- I love you. It was scrawled in Jack’s messy handwriting. Three little words that meant so much, just sitting there on the paper like his heart written out in ink. The envelope still contained an object, and I pulled it out to examine it. It was a beautiful woven bracelet that Jack had obviously made himself, containing all of my favorite colors.
I tossed them on the ground and walked away.
Jack’s POV
“Mooom, let’s go ! It’s Christmas, you look fine !” My mom had been fixing her hair for fifteen minutes, and I was anxious to get over to Alex’s. More specifically, tell him what I’ve been meaning to tell him for a while now. I need to tell someone about my bulimia, it’s eating me up inside. I need help.
I was done lying to Alex about this, he deserved more than that.
In my back pocket was my simple present for him- a note and a bracelet. We agreed not to exchange gifts, but I wanted to get him something anyway. The bracelet had taken me weeks to weave into the delicate, intricate pattern it was now, and many scrapped attempts in the process. The note was simple, it just reminded him that I loved him. I didn’t have a way with words like Alex, I couldn’t just write a song off-hand. So I told him how much he means to me the only way I know how.
When we arrived, he pulled me upstairs right away. He retrieved a huge, flat box from under his bed, but I couldn’t just let him give me this present and act all happy without telling him what I had to say first.
After I told him, he looked more furious than anything. He tossed the box at me and ran out, leaving me with the worst feeling in my gut.
I opened the box slowly, pulling out its contents carefully. The first thing I pulled out was a scrapbook. I opened it up to find it filled with pictures and notes, postcards from Lebanon, his song lyrics…just, anything you could imagine. It was so us, so Alex and Jack, so…perfect.
Too bad I had probably just ruined our entire relationship.
I reached into the box to see if there was anything else, and my hand touched a small drawstring bag. I pulled it out and dumped the insides into my hand.
It was Alex’s very last razor.
I ran downstairs and casually asked where Alex had gone, and his mother told me in a quiet tone that he had probably went to visit his brother. I grabbed my coat and rushed out the door, running toward the cemetery.
I saw him right away, staring up at the sky as if he were begging the heavens for answers. Which at this point, he probably was. He looked up when he heard me approach. I tried to play it cool and act like I wasn’t freaking out and on the verge of groveling for his forgiveness, like I wasn’t deathly afraid of losing him. But I never got the chance, because when he saw me he just snapped. I could see the fury in his eyes. “Get the fuck away from my brother. You don’t get to just walk up to his grave like you know him. You don’t belong here, and I don’t want you here.” I cowered back- he didn’t want me. Alex didn’t want me anymore.
I left without protest, honestly wondering how I was going to go back to the Gaskarth house now.
I walked around the perimeter of the cemetery, pondering what the hell to do. I felt around in my back pocket for Alex’s gift when I realized it wasn’t there. Shit, it must have fallen out somewhere along the way. I retraced my steps and ended up right back at Tom’s tombstone. Alex was gone, but I did find my gift for him. Torn open and thrown onto the ground. That’s when I knew.
It was over.
