Many Chance Summer

Fuck 'Em, Duck 'Em

     I barely remember anything about last night. I recall Jamaal and I kissing then he touched my neck and I freaked. But what happened after that?

     I wake up in a strange bed. I've never been in this room before. My eyes scan the room, confused. A sweet, familiar smell swifts into my nostrils. Jamaal. Oh, yeah.

     Heavy footsteps get louder as they approach me. I quickly hop out of bed and search for my clothes. Oh, my God. Did we do something last night. Did he do anything to me last night?

     "Hey, you're up." Jamaal pops his head in.

     "Why am I still here? Where are my pants? Oh, my God."

     "Hey, Janaeya." Jamaal tries to get my attention, to calm me down. But I'm scared. Did he do something to me? "Janaeya!"

     His aggressiveness startles me. His hands are now holding into my arms tightly, face twisted and eyes focused.

     "Would you take a chill pill for a second?"

     I try to breathe. I look around. There are beautiful portraits of shells on the wall, a family photo, and a random lamp. The window is big and beside the bed, with pure white, thin drapes. The room really screams "beach house".

     "You calm now?" He asks me gently, reduces his grip on me. "You gon' flip out on me? You gon' let me speak?"

     My hands drift down to my exposed underwear. I feel fine. I heard your first time hurts a lot and sometimes you bleed but I didn't feel any moisture down there and I felt fine, not in pain.

     Jamaal's eyes flicker down for a second but then he quickly looks back into my eyes. I'm suddenly so self conscious of my below sea nakedness.

     "Last night..." He licked his lips. "we kissed. And you seemed to be enjoyin' it but then...you freaked out and-and I don't even know why. Then you tried to leave but I got you and I held you and I told you it's okay and then you fell asleep in my arms so I took you upstairs to sleep...removed your shorts, and took out the hair tie in your hair."

     He blushes and extends his arm out where my black hair tie is. I remove it from his wrist as carefully and steadily as I can with shaky hands.

     "Sorry about your underwear. You probably want me to leave. I'll go."

     Jamaal releases me slowly, gazing at me, then leaves the room, gently closing the door behind him.

     I put on my shorts and tie my hair back up. I have ugly crust between my eyes and ugly tear steaks down my face. I look like shit. Crap.

Maybe Jamaal's right. Maybe sometimes I just jump to conclusions and assume the worse of everyone and every situation because of what happened. I need to chill and let people explain sometimes. I need to stop letting that affect me now. Not every guy is like them. Most guys aren't.

After I splash water on my face and make myself look okay, I grab my phone off the little wooden side table and head downstairs slowly. I think of what happens now. I kissed Jamaal. Kissing is not a big deal, right? Plus, he said we didn't do anything last night, that we didn't do anything. But what if I get a cold sore. I've had cold sores twice in my life and I hate them with a passion. They swelled my already big lips and made me look even more of an idiot. Ugh.

     Jamaal is in the kitchen. The whole house smells great. He flipping something on the stove in a pan that's yellow. Eggs. There's a mug warming up in the microwave and two plates on the island behind him.