Reserved [Book V]

Debt

Black are the streets at sundown.
Black are the eyes of the guests.
Black are the corners of town.
Black are the views in west.
Black is my head at night.
Black is my heart in the dark.
Black is my soul in fright.
Black is my body with a mark.
Will I ever get out of black?
Can't I be gold, purple or green?
Can black please get off my back
before I peter out of the scene?
But black might be here to stay.
And black had the Cheshire cat's grin.
I can't be green or silver or grey
because black is the demon within.

Black (2016) by Jang Ah-reum

Areum stood with Kyungsoo by the bulletin, exactly like what she had envisioned this morning. She just came out fresh from the office to thank Luna and found the boy reading her new poem, wearing a fuzzy cream sweater and an uncertain look on his face. She still found him cute and his expression was the precise reaction she aimed for. It's just that for her, Kyungsoo and her poem didn't belong in the same room.

He wasn't carrying Han So-ra's Immortal anymore. Areum wanted to know what he thought about the ending assuming he finished it, but he dissolved her topic of conversation after taking a few silent moments and firing away.

"I reckon you had pretty grim ideas over the weekend." Kyungsoo began.

"I actually finished that on Wednesday last week but Luna only accepted my entries on Mondays."

His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared at her work. "Am I 'west'?"

Areum gulped. Of course Kyungsoo would ask that. But she didn't prepare an answer and she was in a second, put to the spot. The poem was about the dangers she experienced recently by why was he there? Perhaps underlying all this time and friendliness and charm, Areum was still cautious... too cautious.

"It's not you... not exactly." Areum answered. "It's kind of a representation."

Kyungsoo nodded slightly.

"The community outside the barricade is risky and you're my closest access to it. In a way, you're west but you're not all of west." Areum wanted to disappear. She needed not to explain herself to anybody but one question from Kyungsoo had her confessing. Or lying. But Areum wasn't lying. Was she?

I am not lying... not exactly.

To kill the silence, she went for her chosen topic again and Kyungsoo gestured for both of them to start walking. Areum thought it was a great scheme, because any more quiet atmospheres and time gazing at her poetry would surely drive Kyungsoo into asking what was wrong, what happened, is she alright. He was a friend, fine, but Areum had lines drawn on certain things. It was enough that he had a clue about one fear, he didn't need another, for it would push her limits and she wouldn't be able to handle that.

"I like how it ended." Kyungsoo replied; referring to the novel he completed reading. "It's only logical that Kyan died, a good way to end her suffering."

Areum nodded to acknowledge his opinion, but she didn't agree. She remembered reading the book before college and absolutely loved the plot, but Areum was never avid when it came to bad endings. And when bad, she meant sad. Immortal ended with Kyan, the female protagonist who was granted by the universe a life of youth forever, dead. What about the people she left? What about short stories of ancient people she knew personally? What about Jonsuk, the man who fell in love with her? The character of Kyan was depressing and the depression was left to the people who were still alive.

Kyungsoo had probably noticed her serious expression and nudged her with an elbow gently, just to snap her back to reality. "What about you? You seem deep in thought."