Reserved [Book V]

Poem

Pantophobia is the fear of everything and Areum had long assumed she had it. A few searching on the internet and self-diagnosis, plus the environment she was in created such concept.

It was perhaps her many phobias that Areum had grown tired of counting all of them and just summed it all up in one term. She couldn't explain it herself for none of her family members were the same, and even if anyone else is afraid of what she was afraid of, she doubted that fears were hereditary.

The childhood that she remembered were collections of being made fun of for being the only kid in class who stayed away from any water form during field trips, one who could never imagine herself rock climbing or hiking or any other activity that would require being in a high place. Those were the two worst fears she had: heights and big bodies of water. Others included the dark, socializing, public speaking, closed or crowded places and being away from home.

The terrible jokes only worsened when Areum explained those fears, so to avoid wasting her time and energy saying intelligent stuff about her phobias, she just casually called herself a coward and walked away. The development of her desire to stay in her bedroom at all times shone through the whole duration of her life before college and Seoul. School, home, school, home... that's all there is to it.

There is one exception, though. Areum made stops in the pet store from time to time for Nog.

There's one particular Biology teacher during her sophomore high school days that saw her fascination for arachnids. Her teacher took two cages from his exotic pet collection and brought it to school to show them, an Asian forest scorpion and a Brazilian salmon pink spider. The breeds were pretty harmless when handled properly and after knowing she couldn't die from the venom, Areum asked him after classes if she could try and hold the arachnids in hand.

It was a fluke. The teacher only allowed her to hold the spider, a fully grown tarantula, and Areum fell in love with it. It was calm in her hands – too big to fit in only one – and her teacher was very impressed with how she handled it. Areum began researching and asking her parents and brothers to buy her one as a pet, but they deemed it was dangerous and she couldn't handle it.

And then before sophomore year was over, her teacher brought another cage to school. It contained a young female Mexican red knee, another tarantula, and it was given to Areum as a farewell gift. It was a starter breed and she was given instructions on how to take care of her new spider, and before she left Wonju for college, she didn't have the heart to leave her beloved pet alone.

Nog, meaning rust – a name appropriate because of the spider's color – was one of Areum's most priceless possessions. She loved having her around, a quiet companion and in days when Areum's down, she could just pick Nog up and that will instantly lift her spirits. In a room where Nog is – plus her typewriter and laptop – Areum would be in absolute peace, her own world where nothing could hurt her.

Nog is the sweetest pet and her brothers had held her, not once did she attempted to bite. For Areum, it was hard to understand why some people kill spiders when they only attack if provoked, calm if left alone on their business. She couldn't imagine herself hating Nog one day.

...Or worse, fearing her.

***

It was Wednesday when Zitao had woken up to another one of those dreadful mornings inside the frat house. Despite not doing anything for the past two days but stay inside the university, his mind and body were tired, exhausted of hating the place, thinking about going separately. It really took a toll on him but he didn't have the right words to tell anybody or the desire to tell anybody, of course.