Reserved [Book V]

His Job

That smile was beaming through the gloomy hallways
and I had always wondered.
Do angels like spring?
Is that when they often appeared?
Flowers brighten when you walk past them.
Even the rain seems like it's the sky's tears of joy.
Though it leaves behind lonely streets of damp,
my heart stays dry and blissful underneath your wings.
So tell me, angel, why now of all days?
Why had you chosen to scream it at my face?
I had been missing you in all your heavenly glory
and now you want me to stay away.
Wasn't it you who came to me?
Wasn't it you who made me see?
And then you take all mirth in my soul back
without an ounce of thought for my misery.
Spring arrives and goes
and perhaps it takes its angels with it.
I just hope that when spring comes back around,
you will not return to join it.
Stay in your beloved season.
I have constructed back my walls.
Today I am deeply hurt and wondering,
were you an angel at all?

Angel (2016) by Jang Ah-reum

***

The rust-colored spider seized upon its meal in a jiffy and Areum watched as it dragged the weaker creature into its home inside the aquarium. It looked like Nog loved her new diet of crickets; happy and contented with whatever Areum gave.

Ever since she and Kyungsoo spoke, Areum's life had been a haze – and that doesn't include the fact that her eyesight isn't the best. She couldn't remember most of what she had to remember, though her brain catching up to lecture was still excellent. It's just that one part of her mind wasn't able to retain information and process events right away, but her body functions well enough to keep her living.

This wasn't the normal Areum – obviously – and she couldn't remember the last time she was this Areum. Days were gloomy and nights were cheerless. Everything in between those days and nights were void or dim.

Time was at its usual pace still, but Areum could not remember the last time she held a book, couldn't remember when she last tapped her fingers over the keys of her typewriter, or heard a song, or stared out the window cracked a bit to let her breathe. Conversations over dinner every night were blurry, poems were just ink on paper, and even Zitao taking her home at the end of her class hours lacked detail in her head. Areum couldn't tell how many words she said the whole week and if she did say something, she was sure it wasn't a load.

Slim fingers placed the close container of crickets somewhere safe and Areum left Nog's cage on her study table before turning the desk light off. She stood up with her head bowed down and shoulders hunched, and walked over to her bed so she could throw her whole body in. It was smaller than her previous one but it made do; it comforted her sad spirit in an effortless way.

The only bad side was she felt so at home lying down on her bed that she didn't want to leave anymore.

There were knocks on the door and Areum turned to her side, curling up like a child feeling cold. The voice of her brother was muffled and she was trying hard not to hear it, for Areum wanted some time on her own.

He was persistent though, and Wonshik came in worried that she might be sick... or dead.

"Maknae, dinner's ready." His voice was soft; patient with whatever condition she was in. Wonshik was closest to Areum and it automatically followed that he was the most concerned. "Come on. I haven't seen you a lot today. You've spent too much time locking yourself in this room."

Areum only responded with a shake of the head and she felt her bed dip next, a hand on her shoulder and a few gentle strokes through her hair.

"Hakyeon hyung has been telling me to back off all week and I'm done with that backing off shit. Don't try to hide it anymore, Areum. I can always tell when something's wrong with you." Her brother, despite the harsh language, was definitely most caring right now. "Are you feeling ill?"