Reserved [Book V]

Fresh

Funny how people are careless.
Abusive.
Foolish.
They want what they cannot possess,
possess what they see meaningless,
give meaning only to the things they want.
But these things are really of no value,
our eyes overlook often.
And when we lose what we possess,
we consider ourselves broken.
People are careless.
Abusive.
Foolish.
We take priceless matter for granted.
And when all fades, when all is gone,
we suddenly wish things lasted.

- Untitled - (2016) by Jang Ah-reum

She understood the weakness of her physical body; flimsy limbs, poor eyesight and everything in between. Areum knew she would excel way more with her intellectual talent as compared to the use of her feet when she ran or her hands if ever she needed to fight, given that the situation would put her life in jeopardy.

It was amazing how the human body could go through pain in different ways and in different levels. The mind could be pained in fewer methods. Areum had experienced both mental and physical pain – her phobias and the horrible kids in her class who hurt her – years before she arrived in Seoul to study in Gangnam, and looking back at the history of awful people in her life and her surviving them, she should be okay with Huang Zi-tao's training methods.

But she wasn't.

An hour passed on the clock hanging on a wall far from their spot at the gym and as she wiped the sweat from her forehead to check the time, Areum cursed under her breath, softly so he wouldn't hear. It wasn't just an hour. It was like a whole fucking month. Her suffering had been too long, long enough for her senses to weaken and Zitao's words to seep into her skin and reach her bones. He could almost crush her skeleton and bury her spirit underground just by speaking, repeating commands, and forcing her to move even though her brain only screamed books and Nog and her bedroom.

At this point, Areum would be fine staying anywhere as long as Zitao's not there.

Run faster. Lift the weight up higher. Pull the rope with more force. Do two more sets of curl-ups. It was physically and mentally exhausting. She wanted to shout so much but she was too drained to do so, and it didn't help that Zitao spat negativity instead of praise her for enduring his demanding tone for an hour.

"Stand up." He said, throwing a towel on her lap so she could dry her face. Areum was panting like a dog in summer heat. "Finish fifteen minutes on the treadmill and you can go home."

"Can I at least drink first?" She huffed, standing up slowly. Her legs were burning, head spinning slightly, will to live gradually fading with the wind. "I don't think I can do another run."

"Drink and you'll do a set of lifts again." Zitao answered and Areum's shoulders fell. For some reason, he was cranky and extra demanding ever since they entered the gym. "It's not a run. You'll brisk-walk."

"You're terrible." Areum couldn't help but blurt that out as she made her way to the treadmills with him. Perhaps it was just the result of being deadbeat and Zitao's mood resulted to him not reacting violently at all. The crankiness might be at the maximum and couldn't be pushed any more. "You're a terrible, terrible human being."

"Did you expect cotton candy and rainbows?" He stated, quite firmly, almost like he wanted to cuss but refrained at the last minute. "Sorry for tearing those expectations apart. You're not getting any of that from me."

She didn't speak anymore because Areum knew that even if she had her choices, nothing would be of any power against her brothers. So she let her body burn fifteen more minutes as Zitao commanded and when she finished brisk-walking, the blurry gym was even more blurry and the floor was spinning under her feet.