Moon Angel

Chapter 28: Dangerous Secrets

Chapter 28: Dangerous Secrets

I sat down on my bed and placed the box down carefully beside me. I opened the lid and took out the journal. I hoped that Em wouldn't mind me going through her private things. It felt wrong, but my curiosity got the better of me, and I flicked open the first page. Seeing her familiar scrawl brought back so many memories. It was almost overwhelming. Her voice was so clear in the words that it felt like she was sitting next to me again. I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to refrain from breaking down. I had moved past it. I couldn't go back into that space again. I scanned the pages. I didn't know where to start looking. The book was only half full. So many pages that would never get filled. My eyes flicked to the last entry.

January 31st

Mr Carter has assigned me on a double mission with Ellie. We haven't been assigned one together in forever.

I can't wait. I don't have long to write today. I still need to get changed and ready... oh, Ellie's here. I've got to go. I'll write more later.

The words fill me with sadness, the suddenness of her death clear. She didn't get to say goodbye, she wasn't given the chance.

I flick to the middle. An entry from a year ago reads;

I had my first kill mission today. I had to fire the trigger and end someone's life. I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I can't get the image out of my head. It's on an endless loop that won't stop, like a broken record.

My finger pulls the trigger, the bullet flying through the air, faster than I can see. A red hole appears in the man's chest as he falls heavily against the ground. That's what's on replay. The falling, the life suddenly gone. It was quick, at least. An accurate shot. Over within seconds. Merciful. That's what Miss Dunn says. He was a very bad man.

I don't know much about his life. It is better that we don't know. Knowledge will cloud your judgement. That's another thing Miss Dunn says. Something about it just doesn't sit right with me. I don't know why. I can't help thinking that we just killed a brother or a father or an uncle or even a grandpa. And that they'll be missed by someone, because even though they must have been a terrible person to have made our hit list, surely they were loved by someone somewhere. But I can't think like this. I have to get on with the job. They say it gets easier with time. That you learn to detach yourself from them.

I've never been very good at detachment. No-one else seems to have this problem...

I knew what she meant. I had the same doubts. I think everyone did. But these people were evil and they were hurting those around them. By ending one life we were saving so many others. That was what we did.

I flicked forward a few pages and found another entry five months later;

Had another mission yesterday. Got back late so wasn't able to write.

The mission was another kill. Everything went smoothly and was over quickly.

Miss Dunn was right. It gets easier. I didn't dream about it last night and for once it hasn't been the only thing on my mind all day. It's like having a job where once you leave for home, you don't have to think about it. I've never had a job like that but I think it would be nice. Maybe working in an office where you finish your paperwork and don't have to take anything home. Maybe once I finish at Omega I can go work in an office building to see what it's like.