Cheradine - Complicated Feelings

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

I woke up shivering, I soon realised why, looking to my left I saw Cheryl, the duvet wrapped all around her, I didn’t have the heart to wake her so I decided to go and grab a blanket from another room.

I made my way to the cupboard of blankets my Mum had thankfully made and picked one out, wrapping it around myself, I sleepily made my way back into my room, trying to be as quiet as possible, I glanced at the clock on the wall, 2 A.M,

“Kimberley,” a voice whispered into the darkness as I crept back into my room,

“Sorry did I wake you?” I whispered back, just making out Cheryl’s figure sat up in bed, her bed hair all over the place,

“No,” she whispered back, although I was pretty sure she was lying, “I just couldn’t find you,”

“I’m sorry,” I replied, climbing back into bed, “I was just getting an extra blanket so you can have that one to yourself,”

“I don’t want it to myself,” she said, re arranging herself, and throwing half the duvet my way, I didn’t argue with her, throwing the spare blanket on the floor and snuggling into the one that had been wrapped around Cheryl.

She lay down so close to me I could make out her familiar facial features, “I’m sorry I just came here tonight Kim,” she sighed, averting her eyes so they weren’t looking at me,

“Hey!” I whispered, softly stroking her face, her eyes darted back to meet mine, “don’t say that, I’m glad you came here,”

“You’re the first person I thought of, I knew you’d have some answers,” she smiled, leaning in for a kiss, which I happily obliged to,

“I think it was because I was the closest,” I joked, it was funny all this time I’d wanted feelings from Cheryl and now she was telling me them, I didn’t know how to accept them,

She shook her head that was resting on my pillow, “I promise it wasn’t,”

I smiled, knowing that even though Cheryl was going through a hard time, I was still getting a hell of a lot from her, something I wasn’t used to, I just hope it would last. “I’m scared about tomorrow,” she whispered, waking me from my chain of thought,

“I know,” I replied, putting my hand on her hip and holding her close, “but you’re get through it I know you will,”

“How do you know though?” She asked,

“Because I’ll be there with you,” I whispered simply,

“You always have an answer don’t you Kimba?” She smiled, nestling her head into my neck,

“I do,” I smiled, embracing her warmth.

*

As the toast popped up I quickly buttered it, bringing it up the stairs with me as well as a hot cup of tea. I had untangled myself from Cheryl this morning and made my way down to make her breakfast, I knew she would be reluctant to eat it, but even so, I knew she needed it. As I walked back into my room I thought she was still asleep because she hadn’t changed her position spread out across the bed, but I soon realise this wasn’t the case as both her eyes were wide open, although she hadn’t reacted to my entrance,

“I got you some toast,” I said softly, holding up the plate as proof, sitting on the edge of the bed,

“I don’t want any,” she mumbled, still not moving,

“It will do you good, please Chez,” I asked, knowing that if I didn’t influence her to eat she never would,

“I said no,” she snapped, pushing herself up from bed and walking out so her back was to me as she distracted herself with the view from the window,

 I hadn’t been expecting the outburst from her and not wanting to annoy her more, I sighed and put the plate down on the side, accepting defeat, “look I’m sorry, I just don’t feel up to eating,” she mumbled eventually, spinning around to face me, obviously sensing she had hurt me,

“It’s okay,” I replied, “But Chez, please don’t shut me out now, I know to much and I really want to help you, but I can’t do that if you close yourself off,” I sighed, resting my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands.

She paused for a moment, I wasn’t even sure if she was going to reply, I mean what could she say? I didn’t realise she was walking towards me until she sighed loudly, I looked up to meet her eyes staring back down at me. She placed her fingertips on my chin and pushed, so I was no longer resting on my hands, instead she sat herself on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling her head into my neck.

“I am sorry, I’m just scared I guess – that’s all,” She mumbled into my neck,

I scooped my arms around Cheryl’s back, clinging on to the hoody of mine she was still wearing, “Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault – I just want you to know I’m here,”

She pulled her head back out of my neck and looked at me properly for the first time today, “I know you’re here,” there was even a hint of a smile. “Now where’s that toast?” She said craning her head to where I had placed the plate,

“I thought you didn’t want any!” I said, amused at her change of heart,

She was already reaching over from my lap to the plate, “Can’t have it going to waste now can we?” She asked, raising her eyebrows and taking a bite.

I let her eat on my lap for a while, occasionally she would hold out the toast so I could have a bite, when she had finished, I decided to bring back up the delicate subject, “so what time do you want to go back to yours, so you can talk to your Mum?” I tried to broach as delicately as I could,

Her face dropped and I immediately felt bad, “I don’t know,” she mumbled again,

I knew that Cheryl would never go and talk if it wasn’t initiated by somebody else, “well how about we stay here for the morning then go this afternoon? I’ll come with you if you want,”

“Alright,” she replied simply, swinging herself off my lap, “can I keep this?” She asked, tugging at my hoody.

“Why do you want it?” Surprised why anyone would want my old oversized hoody,

“It smells nice,” she replied causally, beginning to look around my room at the photographs I was sure she had seen a million times before,

“Doesn’t it just smell of me?!” I asked a little bemused, she looked at me and blushed, immediately turning away and then I realised what she had meant. “You can keep it,” I smiled.