I ran inside. I looked over at the band. I took one step forward but hesitated. I - I can't. He can't help me. He's probably not even real. I see no evidence. This imaginary belief can't help me. I turn away and lean against the wall on the far side of the gym. On the left side from the stage. They get to the chorus.
"On my own..." I continue the last part under my breath.
"I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be." I don't notice that I get louder.
"I give up." Finally I start to cry.
"I'm not strong enough!" As I finished this sentence I felt a light flash before my eyes. It blinds me. I get myself focused and looked around. Every one had their eyes on me. I finally looked on stage because the music had stopped. Wow all that noise but they hear me. The main singer was looking at me.
"Come on up." He said. I walked up to the stage. I wiped my face.
"What's your name?" He asked
"Casey."
"Well Casey, I think you have some sort of connection with this song." He said
"Yeah well I think everyone who was singing along does." I replied
"Yes, but you poured your heart out. And God told me to listen to you." I stared at him.
"Tell me Casey, what do you have to do with this song?" He asked
"It was my dad's favorite." I admitted
"So if I am listening correctly he's passed on." He said
"How'd you know that?"
"God's telling me your story."
"What?"
"Do you believe in God?"
"No." I replied
"Why?"
"Because..." I trailed off
"Why don't you believe in God?" He repeated.
"I just don't!"
"Then why are you here?"
"My friend's." I said
"Well if you don't believe in God I don't think your friends would be able to have dragged you here."
"It's not that."
"Casey it is that. You say you don't believe but you do."
"No I don't."
"Once again. Casey do you believe in God?"
"No"
"Casey I think your just upset and that's why you refuse to say that you believe." He said
"No I don't believe."
"OK I think we've seen this before. Casey are you mad with God?"
I stayed silent. I don't need this.
"Casey are you mad with God?" He repeated
"Casey! Are you mad with God?!"
"YES! I'm mad at God!" I answered
" How can you be mad at something you don't believe exists." (Shout out to whoever can tell me where that from!) He gets the band to play again.
"Sing this song then tell me what you believe." He handed me the mike and went backstage.
The song was going at a nice pace but it was getting closer for me to start. I can't do this. I close my eyes in fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flash back ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Daddy?
Casey are you OK?
Daddy I'm scared.
It's alright everything is fine. Just go to sleep.
Daddy don't leave me.
Listen Casey. I won't always be able to be around and you'll have to learn to not be scared
How do I do that?
Well what I like to do is sing. Sing to God. Casey if you're ever left in the dark just sing to God.
Okay daddy.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flash back end ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough
I open my eyes. Applause breaks out. I smile. I looked down and saw Kevin and Hope. In the front of the crowd. They smiled and clapped. My eyes trailed off to the back and there he was.
