dear ryan

december 20 , 2015

I think the reason I haven't been crying.

Is because my memories of you are so faded.

I can remember all the times we've ever spent together.

Yet when I look back it's like you aren't there.

I can't see you, or imagine you in my memories.

And I don't entirely know why.

And maybe it's my subconscious trying to block you out in order to feel less pain.

But not being able to remember you like I want to is just as painful.

This still doesn't even seem real to some extent.

I just am still very shocked that you so easily broke my heart.

And of course I don't think you wanted to hurt me.

But I can't help but thinking that you sorta don't care.

You have to care though, I know you care.

If you didn't care you wouldn't have stayed all this time.

But I mean now that you're gone what do I know?