dear ryan

january 3 , 2016

Holy fuck and to think that this is so easy for you.

To think that I am actually so little to you.

So insignificant, so unimportant, so worthless.

How did this happen?

Two years ago I was trying to kill my self before you came along.

And you were my friend.

And you understood.

And then we fell in love.

And then we trusted each other.

And then we gave it all to each other.

So how the fuck can you stand knowing that there is someone out there that is so deeply in love with you, yet you don't even care?

How are you able to do all of this?

How?

I gave you my secrets.

I gave you my heart.

I gave you my insecurities.

I gave you everything.

And when you became my everything I thought that was it.

We were both set for the rest of our lives.

But of course that was all a lie.

You hardly ever opened up to me before so of course you wouldn't open up to me about something like this.

I've figured it out at this point.

You probably had it all planned.

And that's why you were so eager to have sex that day.

Because it was break up sex.

And you were okay with that.

You were okay with fucking the girl who still loved you.

KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT YOU DIDN'T LOVE HER ANYMORE.

How?

How could you do this to me?

You've broken me.

And there isn't anymore fixing to be done.

So go ahead.

Ignore me.

Shut me out.

Despise me.

I'll still love you.

Because I'm the idiot between the two of us.

Just like old times right?

Right.