BROKEN HOME :: OT4

la espérance

Chapter twenty; la espérance

The sound of egg resting on a hot pan is what wakes up Karen in the morning. She has not got out of the bed for three days now, and her body is starting to emit inhuman smell due to the bad hygiene. She wipes off her eyes with the back of her hand and finally finds it in her to move, walking in to the joint bathroom and closing it behind her.

As the hot water runs down her body, she expects it to sting, to make her feel what she deserves; but it doesn't. It no longer travels through her open wounds and make her feel like she is alive, and although she is glad, she can not help but wonder if God would ever forgive her for what she has done.

She dresses herself while thinking about life and takes a sit on the chair which is found in the dinning room. The curly haired boy is surprised at her sudden surrender but puts a plate of omelette and some fresh lemon juice in front of her. She doesn't eat. She stares at it as if it is the most foreign thing that she has ever seen.

And all of the sudden, she starts to cry; emotions come to her like an avalanche and she doesn't stop it. She doesn't know if she is sad, or if she is happy. It is almost as if her body is numb and her mind is tired. She doesn't feel anything and it frustrates her.

She wants to be normal; she wants to smile at her child and kiss him goodbye on his wedding day; she wants to have silly tea conversations with her neighbours; she wants to do normal things that others do.

But every time she opens her eyes, she sees her husband of twenty years, soaked in blood, pointing at her; every time she feels like she wants to smile, she remembers that people believe her to be a killer; every time she wants to eat, the food seems like horse pills and get stuck in her throat.

Mr Daniels is not home, and so she is stuck with this kind boy; she looks at him and she sees herself. She sees herself in only few people, for not many have been through what she has been. She doesn't have a bright side, no.

She is like winter, cold and harsh on people with an unsettled mind; she is like winter, for people can not wait for the time to pass when they are with her. But she looks at the boy in front of her and she sees something totally opposite.

The boy who is encouraging her to eat is more than beautiful; and she wonder how lucky she is to have him as a guardian. She looks down at her plate and takes a bit from the omelette. It is not cooked well, and if she eats any further, there is a possibility that she might get stomach ache.

She takes another bite. It seems awfully jelly-like in her mouth, moving around her tongue and not deciding where to stay, it almost resembles her. "Just say it."

"Say what?" she asks, trying to control her laugh at the boy who seems disappointed with his cooking skills. Who knows maybe he wants to be a chef, and she does not want to be the one who ruins his dream.

"It is terrible." he states and stares at her right in the eye, making it harder for her to lie to him. She looks down at the food and shakes her, smiling a bit before she gives him an answer. "It is not terrible. Cooking just needs a lot of work."

"I am a 21 year old man, I should know how to make breakfast." he sighs and takes the plate away from her, throwing the food in the bin before taking out some oatmeal and putting it in the microwave with some milk.

"Yeah.. but practice makes perfect." she suggests and gets up, approaches him and runs her hand through his hair. It feels awfully similar to Michael, almost as if the texture would have been the same if the green eyed boy took care of himself.

She looks at him and realises that he is summer: warm, beautiful and bright; he is the sun that slowly rises and calms the storm that is found inside her. He was just the right balance she needed to weigh out her sadness. She doesn't want to lose it.

"I am sorry." she mumbles and the boy fully turns around, facing the woman who is a couple inches shorter than him. He crosses his eyebrows in confusion but doesn't need to say the exact words to get an answer for his thoughts.

"I am sorry for not being there to see you grow to the beautiful man you are; I am addicted to a life that is so empty and cold, I almost forgot how warm feels. I am a prisoner to my decisions, but I promise to make it up to you."

He is tearing up a little, not because he has been waiting for this moment as long as he remembers  although he has- but mainly because she is every thing he ever imagined her to be. Cold but kind, distant but accepting, and he couldn't possibly think of a better moment than this to say;

"I am glad we are finally together mum."

The word doesn't sound foreign, but delicate as it rolls off his tongue and reaches her ears swiftly. She smiles as she takes him in his embrace. "I am so glad to have you Matty; I promise I will not let you go this time. No matter what it takes."

However, it takes a lot more effort to keep a promise than to make one.

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no one is commenting and I feel like the story is going down hill :(