Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 69

I left it to Harry to find out the details of the party. I was praying that it would be fun for once, since usually something always happened to mess up the night. For once it would be nice to just spend some time with friends and celebrate, and I was determined to make it happen this time. We all were in a good place now, so with a bit of luck it wouldn't be too difficult.

It was the last day of December and Mckenzie had invited me round to her house to get ready, as usual. She'd bought a bottle of peach and mango flavoured white wine for us to drink as we prepped ourselves for the night, but I was hesitant to drink it because I really wanted to stay as sober as possible. One or two at the party, max.

"Come on, one glass," she insisted. "It's so good!"

"I'm sure it is, but I don't want to use up my one drink before we're even there," I told her as I set my outfit out on her bed.

"It's New Year's Eve! Live a little," she teased, thrusting the glass at me.

"You know I want to keep it calm — make sure nothing happens."

"You will. I know you, once you've got your mind set on something you'll make it happen. A couple of glasses of wine won't change that. And Harry's different now... I think we all are," she reasoned, and I huffed in defeat and took the glass from her.

She was right, in a sense. The fact that you've had a drink doesn't excuse any outrageous behaviour, therefore I should be able to let my hair down and still have a stress-free evening. I was sticking to my plan of not getting hammered, though.

I changed into my dress first; a plain black, long sleeved number that came down to just below my knee. It was tight, but comfortably tight. Not thin, clingy, Mckenzie style tight. The neckline was cut into a fairly deep V, revealing just enough of my chest without looking trashy and attention seeking. I thought it was classy looking, quite sophisticated.

I once again let Mckenzie work her magic when it came to my makeup, keeping it to a minimum compared to what she had first proposed. A bit of eyeliner and a pinky-nude lipstick was enough for me in terms of decoration, the rest was just for coverage. I kept my hair in natural waves as normal — I was never really one to go all out with hairstyles.

"You look so good," Mckenzie complimented, admiring me as she finished her wine.

She was wearing a sparkly black jumpsuit with barely there straps which in turn meant a lot of cleavage and shoulder was on show, but that was just her style. She wasn't worried about what people thought (unless it was Louis, she was clearly out to impress him whether she admitted it or not). Thinking back, I had grown a lot when it came to confidence. In the past I had wished I was my friend, because she was so out there and so care-free, whereas I was shy and uncomfortable with the way I looked and how other people might see me. But now I felt differently; I was showing a bit of skin and I was confident about it. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't down to the help of my friends, and Harry.

Harry made me feel special, and like I deserved to love myself. It seems stupid and wrong to say that a boy had taught me to be happy with myself, because that should be something I was doing on my own and I was always brought up to think that you don't make yourself look good for men, but it was true and I wasn't ashamed. Having someone else — someone like Harry, especially — love me and my body and even my personality, helped me see that I didn't have to feel hatred towards myself and I could feel empowered and sexy and all those other things that I didn't feel before him. It's just obvious that having someone you think highly of tell you that you look good and react positively towards you will make you feel better about yourself.

"Remember ages ago when you were so against the idea of wearing a dress, and you said you weren't going out to 'pull' or impress anyone — or rather, a specific someone — and I said there's nothing wrong with a bit of teasing?" she grinned deviously, "Things are so different now, aren't they?"