Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 76

I'd never felt such pain in my life. Nothing I'd ever experienced hurt this much. Despite the overwhelming emotions, I was totally numb to the feeling of my bare knees against the cold, damp concrete of my front path as I sobbed and screamed, my mum and Niall attempting to comfort me and convince me to get up off the floor and go inside. I couldn't even fathom what had actually happened, all I could do was think about how helplessly terrified I was. 

I knew this was it; Harry had been taken from me and there was nothing anyone could do. I was sure that the mere fact he had been arrested meant it was the end for him. It hadn't been a year since he was given his suspended sentence in court, which meant he was going to be locked up, and who knows how long for.

"Jess, come on. Let's get you inside. People are staring," my mum said sympathetically, noticing the neighbours peeping out their windows at my breakdown like we were on an episode of Eastenders.

I let them pull me up and lead me back into the house like a zombie. I didn't even feel conscious at this point. I was sat down on the sofa; I now didn't have any tears left so I just sat there seemingly emotionless and drained. Neither Niall nor my mum knew what to say.

"Jess..." Niall started, meekly. I didn't respond, but he knew I was listening. "Aggravated assault of a minor... What exactly does that mean?" 

He was hesitant towards me, like I was frail china that he was frightened he might shatter. And he had a right to be.

"Typically...  Sex with someone underage."  

I didn't even blink. Only when I said it out loud did it register what Harry had actually been arrested for. I just stared vacantly into space, my eyes sore and cheeks tight from all the tears. 

Niall wasn't angry, he just glanced nervously at my mum, perhaps urging her to say something to make the situation less awkward. 

"I'm sure there's some sort of explanation, Jess..." she offered, carefully.

I really hoped so. A million and one things were flying around in my head now that we were talking about it - when did this happen?  The fact he was arrested for it must've meant someone had reported it. Who? Did he... force himself on a minor?  I shuddered. Was he also a minor at the time?  That would mean this had all resurfaced from four years or so ago. But why?

"I have to speak to him," I whimpered desperately, catching my family's attention.

"I don't think you can do that right now honey." The realisation made my eyes burn even more, like I just wanted to bawl my eyes out but physically couldn't anymore. "Why don't you go back up to bed and try and get some rest, we can sort all of this out in the morning."

"How do you expect me to sleep when my world is falling apart!" I cried.

"Dramatic," Niall chimed in under his breath. He didn't say it spitefully, he just didn't understand. No one could.

"Niall!"

"You've finally got what you want, at least let me be upset about it before I'm forced  to get over it!" I snapped, standing up so quickly I got head rush and almost couldn't see where I was going as I stormed up the stairs and flung myself into my bed, yanking the covers over my head and just laying there in darkness. I could hear them muttering downstairs.

The bed smelt like him. It was warm and the sheets were disturbed where he'd been laying. How could I carry on without him? I'd finally adjusted to life with Harry, and everything was going so smoothly, and now he's gone. 

I wondered what he was doing, and what he was thinking. Was he dumped in a cell, just sat there all alone? I thought about whether I was on his mind, or whether he was just scared about what he may or may not have done. I could picture him, sat on the end of the cell bed, head in his hands, maybe even crying. Or maybe he was thrashing around, banging on the walls and shouting in anger about how he was innocent.