Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 53

On Wednesday, my first lesson was psychology - forensic psychology to be specific. Ever since we started year thirteen there had only been seven of us in the class, and I didn't really get on with the other six so I kind of just sat there on my own and prayed that I could get away with not being picked on to speak for the entire lesson.

Our teacher, Miss Hurdle, waited for everyone to file in and settle down before pulling up a powerpoint on the projector and clearing her throat to get our attention. "Okay, now that you're all here, your first task for the lesson is to write down what factors you think make a criminal. Why do people turn to crime?"

I felt as though I was about to projectile vomit. It made my heart sink that the first thing I thought of the moment she'd said the word 'criminal' was Harry, especially considering he was the only person I was trying so hard to get out of my head. How was I supposed to make it through this year if all I could think of was him?

I glanced around nervously to see my classmates effortlessly jotting things down on their notepads, and I felt a sudden pressure to join in so I didn't embarrass myself, but I thought if I took my pen to the paper the only thing I'd be able to scribble down would be his name. I had to snap out of this.

Surely I could use this to my advantage, though. If anyone had first hand knowledge of what a criminal was, it was me. I picked up my biro and let the words flow onto the page without giving it too much thought; family, social skills, mental health, friends, intelligence, genes, childhood, hometown.

Miss Hurdle went around the class after our time was up and asked everyone to say one of the things they wrote down. I said friends.

She announced that our first topic was 'upbringing', and how the way someone is brought up can lead to them turning to crime. Some examples that were used were big families, young mothers, role models involved in crime, abuse or lack of attention, substance abuse, and so on.

A study by Farrington - looking at delinquent development in East London - investigated the effects of disrupted families, and the results identified large, multi-problem families to be the biggest predictor of future offending in children. 'Persisters' were described as hyperactive, low in intelligence and unpopular at a young age, involved with delinquent friends, and going on to become heavy smokers, drinkers and gamblers at age eighteen. A lot of the participants in the study experienced marital breakup, homelessness and mental illness by age thirty-two.

I couldn't help but think Harry doesn't have a large or disrupted family, and Harry had delinquent friends and now he smokes, drinks and has got himself in a lot of trouble, does that mean he was unpopular when he was younger? Wondering Would he be described as a persister? And What if he was homeless and mentally ill by age thirty-two?

The lesson was mentally excruciating for me; every single thing that was said during that hour made it feel like someone was pouring acid into the metaphoric hole in my chest - I could physically feel the sting. I could see his face in the back of my mind even when I tried to focus on something else.

"I want to hear what you guys think. Do you agree that upbringing can be a huge factor in criminality?"

I was taken back to the car ride with Niall, where he'd suggested that Harry's parents were the ones who made him like he is today, and I had to disagree. There was no way Harry's parents made him the way he is today, they're kind and loving people with a lot of money so they're definitely stable enough to raise a child properly. Thinking back to everything that'd been said - for once - made me want to speak up.

"I think it can be, but there's so much more to it." I surprised everybody, including myself, when the words left my mouth. A few people glanced at me and I was instantly regretting drawing attention to myself.